Lessons Learned

Marriage has taught me some valuable and some not so valuable life lessons.  Not the big ones like making sure you don’t take your marriage for granted or that open and honest communication is the key to a successful marriage.  Let's just assume I have learned those in spades. No, I wanted to talk about some of the lesser known lessons I’ve learned and how those are applying to my new life as a single man.

Here are just some of the lessons I’ve learned and have applied to my everyday life:

·       Laundry folding – By observing the MMC, I have learned how to better fold my t-shirts so they stay somewhat unwrinkled when pulling out of the drawer (that is, if I don’t leave them in the dryer or the laundry basket unfolded for a week).  I still, however, do not know how to successfully fold a towel.

·       Leaving the toilet seat down – I’m not sure when or where or why the rule became for men to make sure the toilet seat is put down and not the women to make sure the toilet seat is put up but it does seem to be a universal rule for the seat to be down…especially when you live in a house full of women.  Even though I am mostly on my own, I still find myself putting the seat down and maybe this is a good thing because there is nothing worse than in the middle of the night having to do a “sit down job” and finding that the toilet seat was up.  Which, as I think of it, is probably why "seat down" became the universal rule.

·       Closing cabinet doors and drawers – Again, the MMC taught me this because she was borderline obsessive compulsive on this matter.  If a cabinet was left even just partially open it would send her into a frenzy.  I never really understood what the fuss was about other than maybe it made the kitchen look like it’s in some state of disarray.  Still, I became accustomed to making sure each cabinet or drawer was closed unless I was doing something like unloading the dishwaher…which meant nothing to the MMC.  She would come through the kitchen while I was unloading and close the cabinets which threw me into a frenzy.

·       Loving children – Prior to being married to the MMC, I was convinced I didn’t want nor needed children.  I think this came out of my first marriage where we ended it without having kids and I constantly thanked whoever was responsible for making sure that didn’t happen (either me, her or God).  This desire not to have kids also came out of a base fear I had of children.  They intimidated me and I was always concerned I was going to say something that could potentially scar them for life.  Plus, being 6’4”, I worried I was going to step on one.  

Now that I have children of my own, I love kids.  I like messing with them, joking with them, wrestling around on the floor with them, and the best part, listening to them.  The next time you are around a 5 to 7 year old, ask them how trees grow or how birds fly and savor their explanation like fine wine.  The innocence of what they say and the determination to get the words out is a truly a joy to witness. Yes, they can be a pain at times, but so can most adults.  Daily life can and has gotten in the way of me enjoying my children so it’s important to me to make sure that doesn’t happen again and thus, I try to make the most of my time with them (without overly spoiling them, however).

·       You get used to the noises your house makes – Since being in my new house, I still haven’t gotten used to the noises it makes.  I didn’t realize how accustomed you become to those noises.  Even the noises from appliances you brought from the old house to the new house are different.  I don’t know why but the refrigerator I ended up getting to keep (contrary to what was said in Bed, Bath, and Bothered), makes noises I never noticed in my old house.  I am glad I do not own any guns because some of the noises that my new house makes would have been greeted with open fire on some nights.

·       Never let your ex take the majority of the kitchen stuff – When the MMC was packing up the kitchen, she asked what I wanted.  I wasn’t in the mood at that time to start dividing pots and pans and kitchen utensils so I just said I would take the old plates and just buy whatever else I needed.  Mistake.  First week in my new house and I quickly realized I didn’t have any microwave safe bowls, a four piece silverware set was not nearly enough, and a decent set of cutting knives is really required. 

·       The word “butt-crack” will send your kids into hysterical laughter every time – Nuff said.

 

And finally …

I don’t need to have a wife in order to be a good father – I’ve had my girls stay over three or four times now since I moved into my house and where I used to be worried about what I would do or how good a father I would be, I now just worry about what we are going to have for dinner.  I think I owe most of this to how my girls have taken the whole divorce thing.  So far, they have taken it very well.  I say “so far” because it’s still too early to think we’re home free and to be honest, it may take years for this to really hit.  For now, though, they have taken this like well-adjusted and balanced people. They know their mom and dad are divorced and live in separate houses.  They know we no longer wear our wedding rings.  They have not asked when are we getting back together or when we will be in the same house again.  I don’t know if this is a result of telling them so early or that while they understand the definition of divorce, they don’t know the meaning of it yet.  Still, I’ll take this to an estranged relationship or sad, depressed children any day.

I also owe a minor nod to my home selection. Having the indoor pool in my community has meant we all get time together while doing something that generates exercises (as opposed to just sitting around and watching TV) and is a lot of fun.  Of course it also means we go swimming regardless of how tired Daddy may be!  Plus they love their room with the bunk beds, dig the dog next door and love the playground as well.  When winter comes, there is a big snow hill we can sled on and they keep bugging me to get them an archery set because there is an archery range here too (truth is, I want a set to go out there as well!). 

Keeping a balance between some fun, but not extravagant, activities and doing normal routine things like taking them to gymnastics and birthday parties, going grocery shopping and making dinner like a normal family has made this transition easier than I thought it would be.  Do I miss them when they are not here?  Like crazy, but in addition to the every other weekend stay overs, I see them every week for dinner or just to horse around for a bit.  This almost constant contact has been key to keeping me sane. 

I’m feeling good about what I have learned in my new role as part time dad and that’s the biggest and best lesson I could ever get.

Now, if you will excuse me, my daughters and I are going to build some birdhouses together.