tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91202168387997710632024-03-13T21:24:03.365-07:00Went From Being "Married" To "Single"One man's journey from wedded bliss to suddenly singleKevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-61377116785557813772012-10-10T05:15:00.002-07:002012-10-10T05:15:47.088-07:00The End<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12pt;">Today would have been my ninth wedding anniversary. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">Actually, since the judge hasn’t signed off on the divorce yet, I guess it’s still my ninth wedding anniversary but that’s all just a formality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The MMC has given me her final sign off on the divorce papers so there wasn’t any last minute reprieves or second thoughts on the whole thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s done and with that, I think this blog is done as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">I started this blog at a time when I was really lost in everything that was going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still wondering why the divorce was happening and my emotional outlook was very bleak at the time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had questions on what happened with my marriage, what will happen to my daughters, how was I going to get by and why were mattresses so expensive? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing this was my therapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It allowed me to put down on “paper” what was going through my mind at the time and straighten out the thoughts that were buzzing through my head at a mile a minute, going in a hundred different directions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some ways, this blog helped to keep me sane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">But it wasn't only this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure if I have ever taken the time to thank the people who helped me through this by simply sitting there and letting me vent on what I was going through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I owe those people a world of gratitude whether they helped me on the phone, via email or in person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing this stuff out is one thing, but having a person to talk to about it is another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I would also like to apologize to those same people if I took too much of their time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This divorce became my favorite topic of conversation and there were probably times where I went off on it and never asked them how <i>they </i>were doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry if I did that (and I know I did).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’re hurt, you tend to be self-centered a bit and while maybe it’s understandable, it’s not right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of the many things this experience has taught me, one is that you need to constantly think about others and try to put them before yourself as best as you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether this means making sure your spouse and children are ahead of your job or letting someone talk about their troubles instead of just having them listen to yours, the world runs much better when we deal with it as a team instead of just looking out for yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">I’ll admit, though, I did this blog solely for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no intention of trying to help other people with it and was surprised at the number of people who reached out to me to tell me they were going through the same thing or how I “read their mind” on whatever topic I was going on about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When going through a rough time, you think you’re the only one who is or has experienced what you are going through but in truth, you’re just one of the many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of sad really to think that divorce or marriage trouble in general is so common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, if what I wrote gave any grain of comfort to someone going through a bad time too, it makes what I wrote even more worthwhile than the help it gave me to write it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope that made sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">By ending this blog, does it mean that I’m happy and content with my life right now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, not even close but there isn't any more that I can say about what happened and how I have transitioned to being single that would uncover any new ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have bouts of buzzing where I wonder why or what happened but now I just yell at myself to shut up because I've covered all of it before and there won’t be any new answers to come out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of torturing myself by asking the same questions I had three months ago, I try to just face forward and move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, that doesn't prevent the buzzing from coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read a line about divorce that I thought was apt:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Marriage is temporary but divorce is forever.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cynical about marriage, yes, but certainly true about divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I applaud the people who figured out how to make marriage work and I hope it continues to work “until death do them part.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what it is supposed to be, isn't it?<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">The other reason I started this blog was to recapture a creative side I used to have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I have accomplished that and I’m not going to give it up so while this blog is ending, I’ll probably start up another but with a focus more on day to day life and other types of observations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also looking at putting what I've written here into some type of book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a challenge to that because I’m not sure if it would be more fiction or non-fiction or self-help or what.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I need to write it first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've got a decent start with about 40,000 words with what I've done here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just need to build around it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">But I have rediscovered the writer inside me and I appreciate all of the kind words I've received about the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The best one was someone telling me they don’t read but they read my blogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure there is higher praise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">Of course this blog will live on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing dies when it’s on the internet, does it? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure it will still show up on search engines and maybe others will benefit from what I have written or, if nothing else, have a laugh. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if my girls will ever come across this and I guess there is some concern they won’t like what I have written.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That may be a baseless concern, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t believe I have put their mother in that bad a light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I've made it clear she didn't do a lot to work on the marriage when she became unhappy but I think she knows and acknowledges that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, I feel like I have done my part in sharing the blame. Yes, there were a couple posts I wrote on issues where we disagreed but again, I don’t think I was ever heavy handed or vengeful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some may say writing this blog to begin with was vengeful but really, it wasn't.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never started this with the intent of making her look bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Obviously, this all comes from my side of things and by that nature, she becomes the “bad guy” but that was not intentional on my part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wrote about what I was feeling at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked people who know both me and my ex if I was ever being unfair to her and I was always told no so I’m going to take that to heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully my girls will see it the same way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">So, it’s time to take “Went From Being Married to Single” to just “Being Single” (although that probably won’t be the title).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure what exactly I will write about or when I will even put out the first one but rest assured, it will be coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to lose the writing “momentum” I have gained from this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">Again, if you are reading this and have read my posts or will be reading my posts, thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feedback I have gotten has been as fulfilling as was writing them to begin with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">Much like my marriage, however, this blog’s time is over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind of fitting, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe my next blog should be about the loss of my first blog?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm… </span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;font-size: 12pt;">Take care and thanks for listening.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"></div>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-47585762675307154412012-10-07T11:33:00.001-07:002012-10-07T11:33:40.486-07:00Single White Male: Part 3<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br />
To recap, I have blogged the last two posts about finding something to do with my single life outside of just raising my girls when I have them and working my normal job. It led to some options I am exploring but I haven’t found anything to speak of just yet. So while we wait, I thought I would touch on a topic that I think everyone thinks about when someone becomes single again: getting un-single or otherwise known as "dating." <br />
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Let me just say right up front that unless someone just falls into my lap (almost literally), I am not searching for the next Mrs. Beddingfield or even the next Significant Other. I really, really, really don’t think I’m ready for that nor do I really even want it. I just ended an almost 9 year marriage that I thought wasn’t going to end, so I think I have a significant amount of baggage that I still need to get through before I want to start something new. And while I could hide it, I also don’t think it’s fair to my daughters to try to meet someone new right now (that was explored in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-next-in-line.html">The Next in Line</a></i>, albeit mainly from the MMC’s side but the same reasons apply to me as well). <br />
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Does that mean I can’t just date-date? You know, a dinner here, a movie there? No, it doesn’t, but where those dates come from are limited right now. As stated, I don’t have an office to go to for dating opportunities and I thought about knocking door to door in the neighborhood, but I think that’s prohibited by the HOA by-laws where I live. Once I get rolling on one or more of the options listed in the previous post (<i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/10/single-white-male-part-2.html">Single White Male: Part 2</a></i>), there is basically only one option for me right now. Yes, you guessed it: Online dating. <br />
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I’m not sure how widely accepted online dating is these days. Before I was married, it was just kind of coming into its own and there was a bit of a stigma about it. Kind of a last resort or desperation move to turn to it. Now I think it’s probably more mainstream depending on which site you use. For the record, I am not a paying member on any site. I have registered on a few but that was mainly to see what was out there and unfortunately, you are not allowed to browse unless you have a profile so that you, in turn, can be browsed as well. <br />
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I started with a base profile, no pictures or anything substantial in the “About Me” part unless I was forced to. Some sites make you go through what seemed like a hundred questions just to start a search. I think if I become more serious about this, I will go back and take longer at answering some of the questions. I assume these questions are meant to pair you up with someone who has similar answers. So perhaps quickly indicating that I strongly agree with kitten beheading may not get me many matches (I don’t agree with that, by the way…unless the kitten was involved in a double homicide, of course). <br />
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Most of these sites send you almost daily emails letting you know of the matches they came up with and on the sites where I put very little information, I can only imagine the matching algorithm used is “breathing” and “within 50 miles.” Other sites will send you notifications from other members that they want to meet you or “really liked your profile.” Again, I haven’t paid for any of these sites and my profile has almost no information on it, so what are they looking at? I’m crossing these sites off as fake or scams. Sure there may be some legitimate women on the site but I think most are probably web-cam girls or phish schemes to get you to go to a different site. I actually had one complain about how “buggy” the site was and wanted me to contact her on a different site. So transparent but I’m sure there are plenty of people who fall for that stuff. <br />
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There were times when I thought I needed to get out there RIGHT NOW and start dating. So I would start scouring these sites for potential dates. The problem was that after looking at a dozen or so, I eventually lost that feeling. Not because there wern’t many prospects out there…no, wait, it was exactly because there weren’t many prospects out there. Unless I expanded my search to include Philadelphia (two hours away), I probably found one semi-interesting profile out of twenty. There may have been others but I think a lot of people need to learn a few things about putting a profile out on a dating site. I think the most important thing you can include in your profile is a picture. I’m sorry but if I’m doing the online dating thing, I want to know what the person looks like up front. Is that shallow? I don’t know…maybe, but let’s face it, I’m 47 and I don’t have time to start up an email conversation that may lead to a face to face date without knowing what the person looks like. The last thing I need is to work up my courage to actually set up the date only to find out the person I’m meeting looks like Honey Boo Boo’s mother (here’s a <a href="http://images.christianpost.com/full/54873/honey-boo-boo.jpg?w=262">pic</a>. Doesn’t she look like Kevin from The Office dressed in drag?). Anyway, have a picture but here are some more suggestions:<br />
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<li><strong>Include more than one picture</strong> - I would like to see a couple pictures instead of just one. To begin with, the one picture could have been taken over 3 or 4 years ago and people can change quite a bit during that time. Or maybe the one picture posted was so good because the lighting or the positioning was just right. That one really great picture could be exposed (pun intended) as a fluke by having others next to it. <br />
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A side note on female pictures, by the way: A trend I have noticed not only on dating sites but also on Facebook and other social media sites, is the female picture taken whilst said female is in her car. You clearly see the back seat and seat belt. What is with this? Do women look at themselves in the rearview mirror when they get in the car and I think, “Man, I look hot! Let’s capture this moment.” It’s almost as common as the picture taken in front of the bathroom mirror where the camera (or usually phone) is in full view. This may be okay on Facebook but on a dating site, don’t you want to put your best foot forward and have a decent picture? Speaking of a decent picture…</li>
<li><strong>SMILE!</strong> - Seriously, I cannot count the number of pictures I’ve seen where the woman is frowning in the one picture she has posted. She looks sad or mad or bored or generally disinterested in the whole thing. Nothing gets my emotions a flutter more than seeing what appears to be a disgruntled DMV employee looking back at me online. And going back to the whole notion of putting up multiple pictures, if you are only going to put one up, is the one where you are sitting at the kitchen table in a dirty t-shirt, smoking a cigarette and looking like you just woke up from a ten day bender the one you want to use to lure other men? If I thought it was legal, I would post some of these pictures here just so you could see them. It’s really amazing. </li>
<li><strong>Try to be the only one in the picture</strong> – Again, you’d think this would be obvious. Listen, random lady I happened to click to, I don’t know who you are and if the one picture or even multiple pictures includes you and three other girlfriends on vacation or at a bar, I don’t know who I’m looking at. Sure I could cross analyze the information in your description with the photo and put together a CSI like investigation to best determine which one is you but really, I don’t have that kind of time. Okay, so I have that kind of time but I don’t really have the desire. I’ll just move along to the next profile. If you think this is bad, there is a worse one…</li>
<li><strong>Try to be IN the picture</strong> – Yes, there are people who have taken the time to post a picture and some have multiple pictures, but those pictures are of their dog or their garden or some scenic spot they visited while on vacation back in 2008 but none of these pictures includes that person’s face. I’m not dating your dog …although if you look like Honey Boo Boo’s mom, I may consider it… so why include a picture of your dog? If it’s you and your dog, that’s different…I should be able to ascertain which one is you but seeing just your dog isn’t going to cut it. </li>
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Just some tips I thought I would pass along. <br />
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Online dating is an option but it’s not going to be my first option. I’m not saying it’s a desperation move or anything like that. I have talked to a lot of people who have used these sites and are perfectly happy with the results. They say you have to keep an open mind and be prepared for disappointment but isn’t that dating in general? I do like the reference to the first date as being the first “interview” which really, it is. The other great thing about that is the first meeting would be something like coffee or lunch…nothing too expensive. I mean, would you go to a movie or lay out big bucks on a fancy dinner only to find out the person is a neo-Nazi and conveniently forgot to list that under "Interests?" I don’t think so. <br />
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In some ways, it may be easier to do online dating than real dating. At least both parties know what they are getting into from the start and if nothing is there on the first date (or interview) then you say, “Thank you very much but you are not what I am looking for right now. Best of luck on your future endeavors” and move on. The other party should understand completely. In “real” dating, there’s the time to build up to that first date and it’s a real date, not an interview. One assumes the interview process for a “real date” is the time spent when you got to know the person and worked up to asking them out. With online dating, working up to asking them out is mainly scrolling with the mouse and sending an email or two. <br />
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I will probably explore the world of online dating later if nothing pans out from my “options” but I will first have to put some money on the site I think is best and then figure out the propers methods for having that first “interview.” <br />
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For now, however, I need to go purge my internet cache of that picture of Honey Boo Boo’s mom. It just gives me the creeps knowing it’s out there.<br />
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<br />Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-16498928312583401122012-10-05T09:54:00.000-07:002012-10-05T09:54:12.934-07:00Single White Male: Part 2 <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">It’s all about options, buddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Wise words spoken on a radio station I used to listen to almost exclusively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know some readers will know which one I’m talking about but that is not the topic of today’s installment of “Listen to Kevin Whine About His Life.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, we have other things to ponder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Namely: what can I do to help fill the space inside me that used to be occupied with my marriage and family (not to say my family still isn’t there, just that marriage part is gone).<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">As I said last time, I need to get involved with some activity that will get me around other people and be fulfilling to me as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But where does a 47 year old man find such a thing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We actually have a couple of options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s explore each one:<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Church</b> – Nothing like starting off the list with a potentially high voltage one, is there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, so full disclosure here: I’m not an overly religious man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would put me in the “Spiritual” category in that I believe in a higher power; I’m just not sure what I believe in fits into a specific box like you find in most organized religions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also one who feels religion is more of a personal thing and not one that you need to share with everyone and certainly not something you should push on other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think from that standpoint, getting involved in church groups or activities may not be the best fit for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not totally discounting it and I will start off by finding a church nearby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a good friend who has recommended a few so I will try them out to see where that takes me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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I should point out that I was raised Catholic so any church service that doesn’t involve a bunch of standing and kneeling, some Latin, and a lot of speaking words in unison with a large group of people is going to be alien to me. :)<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Higher Education</b> – Ah, yes, returning to school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I can go grab that degree in Enigmatology and be one of maybe a handful of people who have that degree..actually maybe only the second which would be great because Will Shortz is stealing all the limelight in this industry (enigmatology…it’s the study of puzzles…Google it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here, I did it for you:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.google.com/webhp?source=search_app#hl=en&sugexp=les%3B&gs_nf=1&tok=ke0JUa9UO-WwPbSExkP_MA&cp=12&gs_id=b&xhr=t&q=enigmatology&pf=p&safe=off&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&oq=enigmatology&gs_l=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&fp=873519a7d2cc6cd7&biw=1153&bih=563">Enigmatology</a>)<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyway, impossible degrees aside, going back to school is always an option regardless of your age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My problem is mainly around two factors:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>money and my job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>College degrees are expensive and with two house payments and child support, I just don’t have that kind of disposable income right now (although I don’t know using the term "disposable" on money put toward a degree is right).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My job poses a problem because I don’t know when or how often I would be traveling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I’m going to put down cash to get this degree, I want to be here for all of the classes and not fall behind because all of sudden I have three weeks of travel in a row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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No, unless it’s an online course, which defeats the purpose of being around other people, getting the degree is out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Education, however, is not…<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Adult Education</b> – I really hate this term because it sounds a bit more risqué than it really is…or at least in what I’m talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adult education courses are the more fun ones like guitar lessons, photography or basket weaving without the degree plan or pre-requisites..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They generally meet once a week for four or five weeks and they aren’t all that expensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I miss one, no big deal. What I don’t know, having never attended one, is how many people actually do these things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will the class size be me and one other person?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose even if that were true, it would still be okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I would take a class in something I was interested in like photography or creative writing but would like it to be with at least a half a dozen people just to get that group vibe going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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I have this option as a probable candidate because I could do this in addition to another option mainly because it won’t take a lot of time and I could learn something new and have some fun doing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just need to find a decent place to go to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure some of these classes are held in the back room of a strip mall in a bad section of town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I’ll look for some provided at a college campus of some sort. <br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Charity</b> – With the holidays coming up, this shouldn’t be too hard to get involved with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s free, I get to be around other people sharing a same interest (helping others, duh), and while I am not certain on this, I think it would be flexible enough to work around my potential travel schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s also a bit of good karma that comes from this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some metaphysical way, I feel like adding another statistic in the divorce (i.e. failed marriage) category has put out negative vibes into the universe. I’d like to “repair” that by doing something good for others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My big interest is with Habitat for Humanity but so far, my emails to the local ones in the area have gone unanswered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will search for other possibilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Speaking of unanswered emails…<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Community</b> – There are plenty of options for volunteer work in the community that isn’t exactly charity related and one in particular I would LOVE to do: community theater. Not as an actor, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did some drama stuff in high school but I was never the best actor in the world. I did, however, enjoy doing the backstage work:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>building sets, doing the lighting and audio, gathering props and helping out with stage direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This would be an absolute perfect way for me to do something fulfilling to me and be around other people with similar interests. I have started pursuing this as well, but again, no answer to my emails on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d think organizations like this would be jumping to get volunteers but so far, very little jumping or hopping or even a slight skip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will keep on it, though, and let you know my progress. <br />
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I should point out there are other options in the “community” category besides community theater but I am not about to get into anything even remotely political like PTA or being on the board of directors for the community I live in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One that is more appealing is the Kiwanis which is a name I recognize but knew nothing about. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to their web site they are a “global organization of volunteers dedicated to changing the world one child, one community at a time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is certainly a possibility; I would just need to see how much time I can devote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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And this is part of the problem with the last two options as far as volunteering goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I want to get into a situation where I cannot commit as much time as they may need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have my job, my girls and a house to maintain (actually two right now), so while I will have a moderate amount of free time, I don’t want to overextend myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor do I want to sign up for something and then have to bail out on them because all of a sudden I have to go to Europe for a few weeks. I'm sure the schedules are flexible and I just need to get more information.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, there you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A list of options and really, other than higher education, all of them I can look into and participate in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll chime in on my progress once I get any, but I feel good about just compiling this list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it dawned on me that I was destined to be single again, having nothing to do and living like a hermit was (and still is) a big fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not like when we were kids and if you saw someone else with the same lunchbox you had, you were instantly best friends (true story...this is how I met my best friend in first grade).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s more work to this when you are older but the options are out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I just need to go out and exercise these options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which, by the way, is probably the hardest part: taking that first step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">In part 3:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some preliminary thoughts on dating…<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-43175619594471992222012-10-02T06:02:00.001-07:002012-10-02T06:02:22.680-07:00Single White Male: Part 1<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">This will probably be a multi-part post like the highly acclaimed and award winning <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/08/moving-daze-part-1.html">Moving Daze</a></i> series of posts…oh wait...that series was neither acclaimed or award winning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, here’s my chance to change all that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, let’s run down where I am:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Discovered wife no longer loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Filed for divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Wife and kids moved out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I moved out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Settled into new house. Check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Have rocking new single life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Che…uh…wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That last one needs some development and we’re still in the requirements gathering stage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Let’s take a look at where I am as a single man but let’s put aside dating for another time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need to evaluate where I am as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s more important that I take time for me and what I am going to do with my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dating and potential relationships can either come from that or by other means, but as I said, we’ll talk about that later. Let’s take stock at who I am right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">First and foremost, I am and will continue to be a father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My two daughters are so important to me and watching them grow will always bring fulfillment and contentment to my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Nuff said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Second, I am a working man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until I win the lottery or find hidden treasure in my backyard, I need my job as both a source of income and satisfaction of doing good work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that whatever you are doing to make a living in this world, you should do it to the best of your ability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will strive to be a valued employee to the company I work for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have aspirations to become a CEO or anything like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just make a comfortable living to afford the good things in life or at least the semi-good things in life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So that leads us to my personal life…or lack thereof.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is something that has been kicking around in my mind for a while now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was married, there were times where I put the job before my family and I regret that but my family was always first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my job had me travelling a lot, I relegated doing anything for me to the back burner so I could spend time with my wife and daughters when I was home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose I failed a bit at that considering where I am now but regardless, I always tried to put them first. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">As I said before, it didn't seem fair for me to be out of town all week, come home and then spend all day on the golf course or out hunting (if I hunted). </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">This means I didn't get the time to develop a personal life for myself.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">And by that I mean hobbies or interests other than things I did with my family or individual things like reading or writing which I barely did anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Now that I am on my own, I’m paying a bit for not carving out that personal life for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t regret this, by the way. I felt I was doing the right thing for myself and my family and that the other stuff would just grow as time went by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That may still happen but it will take even longer now that I am on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point is I have a definitive hole in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> T</span>hat hole was once filled with my marriage, but now, it's empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a void I need to fill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Before I was married, I worked for a company where I had the opportunity to sate my need to do something more than just work and search for dates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outside of the friendships I developed and still maintain with the people I worked with (thank you, Facebook!), I was active in company events such as the charities they supported and company picnics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there was an event being held that either honored the employees or talked about strategic plans, I was generally involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved doing that and it helped fill this gap that eventually was filled by my marriage and family but now the gap is present again. With my current job, I work from home and while I could host a company talent show, it would be in my backyard and I would be the only employee present. I do miss that day to day camaraderie of working in an office and have thought if worse came to worst, I could try to find an office job somewhere local.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem with that is a) it may be hard to find something with a comparable salary to what I am making now and b) “local” for here would mean at least an hour drive one way to an office…especially an office that could offer the aforementioned comparable salary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose this is something I could pursue if I needed to but that would really be a last resort. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That leaves finding other ways to bring back something fulfilling to me but we have uncovered a key aspect to whatever this may be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It needs to be something where I am around other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure I can continue to blog or even start up my own YouTube channel and that would fill a creative need but I’m still doing those things by myself and they would not give me the gratification of doing something with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friendships are best made when you connect by sharing a common interest. I think at my age, I'm beyond just meeting someone at random and becoming friends with them. That's easier when your younger but harder when you're older. Call it experience to be able to tell when someone is somewhat creepy within five minutes or just call it being a snob but I'm too old to try work on a friendship at that level. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That became all too apparent this past weekend when I took my daughters to the indoor pool I have access to where I live and some guy introduced himself while we were in the pool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That may not sound too weird but when he asked if he could call me “Brother Kevin” and wanted to show me the fancy handshake he learned in the Bronx, I realized that maybe simply meeting people at the pool wasn’t the best idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Luckily, I had my girls there and while they are very good swimmers, I needed to “keep an eye on them” so I went to play Marco Polo with them and I HATE Marco Polo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably the worst pool game ever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But I digresss…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So my options for filling in the void that has been present since the divorce…although pushed to the back while I was finding house, moving, and then getting settled... is to find activities that interest me and that I can do with other folks who share the same interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what are those activities?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What options are available to me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Before you answer, I have some ideas…but I’ll talk about them next time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-84279240998265324092012-09-30T16:37:00.000-07:002012-09-30T16:37:06.904-07:00The New Family Game Night
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Last time I said I was
going to explore my single life and what I’m going to make of it but that is
taking more thought that I originally…uh…thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need some more time to get it all straight
but I am trying to put at least two of these posts out each week and I’m behind
so let me make a slight digression and talk about something else right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Namely: games.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I had my daughters this weekend and my oldest wanted to have
a family game night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First of all, I was
happy to hear this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the most part,
my daughters now have two families. The one with their mother and one with me
and it warms my heart to hear her still refer to family and include me in
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that’s kind of silly on my
part but when you are not around your kids 24 hours a day; you tend to think
you’re second fiddle when it comes to real family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, silly but it’s the world I live in
right now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Second, we needed games to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have some but whatever games we had for the
kids, the MMC has possession of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not that we had a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our girls
are really just getting to the age where they want to play games so our
collection of kid based games has mainly been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Candy Land</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Chutes and
Ladders.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, we ventured to the
store to get a couple more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
picks?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hungry, Hungry Hippos</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kerplunk</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I remembered these games as a kid so I was kind of excited
to play them again because it’s been so long and I wondered if my kids would get
as big a kick out of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We played
Hungry, Hungry Hippos (HHH) first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let
me say one thing about this game that I didn’t remember (or cared about) as a
kid: it is LOUD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My house, with hardwood
floors and no curtains, amplifies just about any sound and the constant banging
that is the main part of gameplay in HHH came across as a typical night in the
streets of Beirut (assuming there is still a lot of gunfire going on in Beirut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m really not sure but it’s my go to city
when it comes to noisy warfare).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Yes, HHC is a loud game and perhaps I’m too old but I
eventually grabbed the ear buds from my iPod to wear while playing and it made
it much more bearable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least as far
as the sound is concerned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other
problem I had with the game is the hippo head lock that occurred often in the
midst of playing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where the
hippo head and neck gets out of whack and you can no longer control it with the
flipper switch that is essentially lodged in the hippo’s rear end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to pause your game to pull the neck out
to get it to snap back into place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile
all of the marbles are being eaten up by your opponents, namely my daughters who
could give a crap about my lack of being able to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I am easily frustrated by little
things, this served to annoy me to no end especially since it fell on me to
unlock not only my hippo but my daughter’s hippos as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I momentarily became a veterinarian in the
HHH world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I wondered if both the noise and the constant hippo head
lock was a problem with the original game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I tend to think that stuff like this is being made much more cheaply
today than back when I was a kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Call
it old man syndrome, but I’m betting there was better hippo eating game craftsmanship
back in the late 70’s when it first came out (yeah, I went to the <em>Hungry,
Hungry Hippos</em> Wikipedia page for that bit of info).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would love to compare an original game to
the new one just to see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wonder if I
could get one on eBay?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And while I’m on eBay for an original HHH game, I’d also
like to get an original <em>Kerplunk</em> game too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We played this one next and I was relieved because it wasn’t anywhere
near as noisy but still I became frustrated with the set up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t remember, <em>Kerplunk</em> is the game
where you have a cylinder with a bunch of holes going around the middle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You put a bunch of sticks through those holds
and then put marbles on top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The challenge
is to pull out the sticks without any of the marbles falling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The person with the most marbles at the end
loses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem with today’s version
from what I remember about the one I played as a kid is that the sticks are now
made of a bendable plastic instead of the original wooden ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was a kid, these were basically long
toothpicks but now they are almost soft plastic. I can only imagine that some
kid somewhere poked an eye out with toothpick-like ones and the family sued Hasbro
or Mattel or whoever made the game and some governing body over children’s
games said the sticks had to be safer thus the bendable, plastic ones were
made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I’m not opposed to making things safer although I don’t remember
any fatalities back when I originally played the game but these sticks are very
frustrating to use during the set-up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You see, since they bend, it’s hard to put them in a hole on one side
and get them out of a hole on the other side of the tube.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they were long toothpicks, it was
relatively easy but now they bend down, up or to the side based on what
obstacles they encounter going in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a
big deal with the first dozen or so but after that it’s an exercise in patience
and time consuming just to get the game ready to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also noticed that by the next day, some of
the sticks were permanently bent thus further adding to the challenge of
getting the game set up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Regardless of this, however, the game was still fun and let’s
face it, it has the best game name in the history of game names.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kerplunk!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wonder if that is a legal word to play in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Words With Friends</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Scrabble</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If ever get that collection of letters, I’ll
let you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kind of doubt it but isn’t
“kerplunk” a fair word to describe the sound of something dropping especially
in water?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure I’ll throw it out
there and get the all too familiar (to me at any rate): “Sorry, kerplunk is not
an acceptable word.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m now looking
forward to having a K-E-R-P-L-U-N-K in my virtual tray in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Words With Friends</i> to try it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wonder how long that will take?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Considering the number of games I currently have going, probably not
that long and if it is legal, I would get the chance to use all of my
letters!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Man, I am going to keep that in
my back pocket for sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, the new Family Game Night, despite the frustrations, was
a success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girls and I had fun and
even carried it over to the next morning after breakfast with a couple rounds
of each.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did, however, have to take
careful inventory of all the different marbles and bendy sticks when we were
cleaning up to make sure I had a complete set when we played again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Before we do play again, however, I think I’m going to see
if I can get some felt or something like that to put across the bottoms of the
hippos mouths to act as a silencer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Either that or throw an old set of ear buds into the game box so I’ll
always have them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, I’m old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deal with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-69196204433374746482012-09-25T06:25:00.000-07:002012-09-25T06:26:21.056-07:00One and a Half Months<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">As of this writing, I will have been in my house for about a month and a half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still getting used to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s weird being alone after being in a house that often was full of people and not just the MMC and my two girls, but other family, in-laws, friends, and neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I find times where I keep expecting someone to walk through the door. Or while watching television, I go to say something about whatever I’m watching and realize there’s no one there to tell it to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that that stops me anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe someone passing on the street far down at the bottom of the hill wants to know my TV musings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Having an entire bed to me has been an adjustment I haven’t made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still sleep on one side, almost at the edge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I explained in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/making-spare-bedroom-your-bedroom-spare.html"> Making the Spare Bedroom Your Bedroom, Spare</a></i>, the girls used to sleep with us and most times I could never get comfortable enough due to all the kicking and hands in my face in the middle of the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I would either be almost falling off the bed or I just went into the other room. I still think this was a defensive maneuver by my wife allowing the girls to sleep in our room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing like adding two warm bodied people to help fortify the emotional wall you’ve built around yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyway… now that I always sleep on my own, I don’t take advantage of having a queen sized bed by sleeping in the middle or diagonally across it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sleep on the edge, sometimes teetering off of it as if I was being pushed out by my sleeping children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Primarily I think it’s just because the edge is closer to the night stand thus easier to do things like reaching for books, turning off the light or turning off the alarm in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I was in the middle of the bed, I would have to struggle to get over to do any of those tasks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also think it is just habit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m used to being on the side so that’s where I am most comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no idea what I did when I was single but I probably stuck to one side then too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Of course this makes me feel like I’m wasting my bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was going to buy a new king size bed when I moved in but they’re freakin’ expensive so I have been using the bed that was in our spare room only I put a pillow top cover thing on it to make it more comfortable as it was a very firm mattress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That made a huge difference so I have temporarily ceased by bed search.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I’m thinking that if I am only using one edge of the bed, maybe I should just get a twin mattress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That way I would be using ALL of the bed, there just wouldn’t be that much of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wouldn’t THAT be impressive when I finally reenter the dating scene and reach the point where I bring a woman home? (This is far, far, far into the future and quite possibly an alternate reality, by the way)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey, baby…here’s my twin bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll need to decide who’s on top right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me just pull back my Spider-Man sheets and my blankie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you want the night light on…or off?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">No, I guess I’ll stick with the bed I have and eventually get a new one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still need to put furniture in the spare room so that’s the ultimate fate for the bed I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It came from the spare room and will ultimately die in there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Outside of the previously mentioned spare room, I pretty much have settled into the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of my pictures are up (although I could use more), living room, dining room, breakfast nook, kitchen, girls bedroom and office are all decorated and squared away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My bedroom is pretty bland though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I have the half-used queen sized bed but the only other things in it are a small nightstand and a tall dresser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really don’t need anything else, but the room looks pretty empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess a king size bed would help fill it up and maybe if I got a new dresser set where I had a tall dresser and a long one, that would do the trick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just not sure what I would put into these pieces of bedroom furniture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As part of my 1.5 months, I took out the pathetic lone wire rack in the master bedroom closet and put in a nice “closet organization system” that gave me two racks for hanging my clothes, a long shelf along the top and a single set of shelves going from the top of the closet down to the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also put in a set of hooks for belts, hats, etc. so I am set on clothes storage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having more furniture to put clothes in isn’t really needed but it would help fill up my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess other options would be an easy chair or something like that but you know what that ultimately means don’t you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just something to pile my clothes onto.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when am I just sitting in my bedroom anyway?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I want to sit, I’ll do it in the living room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just got a brand new leather couch that reclines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I said <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">reclines</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may cheap out when it comes to getting new bedroom furniture but I will make my living room as comfortable as possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I still have to get the basement settled but I’m not in a big rush to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it is, I do need something down there to put an old TV I have on it. This is the TV I mentioned in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/08/moving-daze-part-4.html"> Moving Daze Part 4</a></i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like 300 pounds since it’s the probably one of the last tube TV’s but it has a flat 38” screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perfect for down in the basement until I upgrade the TV upstairs…which would probably be a long while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have a 3D TV but if that is still a thing a year or so from now, maybe that is what I would upgrade to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still think 3D TV is a fad but maybe it’s a fad like the internet is a fad or toasters are a fad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dunno. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I guess when I look back at the 1.5 months and the fact that last night, I didn’t have any pressing unpacking or “settling in” to do, I should be proud of where I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of people in this same state would still have boxes to unpack, rooms still unsettled and an array of pictures on the floor perhaps by the wall they are to be hung on but still unhung.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it’s also easier for me to be settled in since I only have my girls with me every other weekend but still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I opened up a can whoop ass on the house and came out looking pretty good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do still feel, however, a bit unsettled or uneven…like there is still stuff to do and while there are some small things, it’s nothing major.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps that unsettled feeling is something more than just unpacked boxes or an undecorated wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it’s a sense that I need to make this house my home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To do that, I need make my single life something more than every other weekend visitations and house settling but what should I make it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s explore that next time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Meanwhile, I will try to become more centered by sleeping in the center of my bed but it won’t be easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I threw my shoulder out trying to reach the alarm clock this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-50087088479743979252012-09-20T20:28:00.002-07:002012-09-20T20:28:53.477-07:00Sparks
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Poets, authors and song writers have referred to love as a
fire or a flame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a time honored
and well put analogy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s especially
apparent when a love dies out and the flame gets smaller and smaller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like a campfire that has been deprived
of new wood to keep it going, the flame dies down but just when you think it’s
completely out, a spark ignites and the flame comes back for a moment or two
just to tease you into thinking it’s going to get stronger and keep going. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Yeah, love can certainly be like that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Recently, something happened that sparked the dying embers
of the fire that was the fuel for my marriage. I won’t go into detail on what
it was, but the event was strong enough to reignite something I thought had
been extinguished or was at least nothing more than smoldering remains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The situation made me think that there was a
chance the MMC and I could get back together again and those thoughts stopped
me down for a night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For a while I stoked the small flame and wondered if I could
make it bigger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about where I
was with my new house, her in her new house and the house we had up for
sale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a moment, I considered those
to be obstacles too big to overcome but then I realized those were just
things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could rent out the house I
just bought and she, since she was only leasing, could probably get out of that
and we could all move back into our old house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The fire got bigger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The notion of having my family back fanned the flames more
and I thought maybe…just maybe there was a chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This hope for a chance caused the fire to
become a bit hotter and I warmed myself in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But then I thought if this spark really was an opportunity
to reconcile, is it something I wanted to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The first, gut reaction was yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would do anything to have my family back the way it was a few years
ago and that’s when the fire started to falter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A few years ago.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Back then, things were great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife and I were in love and our youngest
was just starting to develop into the wonderful little girl she is now (my
oldest was already there and still is).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
did things a family did and there was never any thought it would ever end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would raise our girls in our house and
then retire together in it, passing the time either in the rocking chairs on our front
porch or on a cruise ship going to places we hadn't been before.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">While those thoughts were great, I also thought about how
things had been for the last year or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The fire died down a little more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We both felt distant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was
when I was traveling a lot and sensing things were different when I returned
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it was just me but as we
all know now, it wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about
how when presented with the idea of divorce, the MMC took to it like…well, if I
can just beat this analogy further into the ground…a moth to a flame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No chance for marriage counseling or trial
separation; just straight to divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Never any discussion on why she was unhappy or exactly what happened to
drive her away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just end the marriage
without any real reason why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this the
woman I want to go back to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s almost
a cliché but she’s not the woman I married and more than likely, I’m not the
man she married either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I
be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I was, wouldn’t we still be
together?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The flame reduced to a flicker and eventually turned to
smoke and dispersed into the night air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I think that everyone who goes through a divorce, especially
if they are the ones who are the “victims” of it, have these momentary sparks
and they hope they can fan it into something more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth is they are only that: sparks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a raging inferno that could burn brightly
for any length of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just a spark
that lights up the mind with thoughts of what could happen and possible futures
of what could be and all the while we are blowing on it and shoving crumbled
newspaper and twigs on it to get the flames to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
truth is the fire is really a burning memory of the past and a hope to go back
to the way it once was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately,
we can’t go back to the past any more than we can burn a piece of wood twice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I don’t care for these sparks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would prefer to mentally produce a bucket
of water and pour it over the slowly cooling embers and put them out
permanently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would make things easier.
I am trying to face forward in all of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To take steps away from where the fire once burned and find a place to
build a new fire but that’s a long hike on a path that hasn’t even been made
yet. It’s a daunting task to blaze that trail and it’s hard not to look back to
where things were once warm and cozy; to want to go back, sit there and see if
I could get just a little more warmth out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem is, there is no warmth
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sparks are just flickers of false
hope and ideas that get into your head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The situation that started all this came and went and I got
on with clearing away the brush and debris that lay before me on my new
path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure I’ll hear another pop or
crackle and see a flicker from that fire again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Next time, however, I will try to leave that spark behind me and
continue my search for a place to build a new fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">P.S. - I hope all my fire references in this post didn't <em>burn</em> you out. ::chuckle:: </span></span></div>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-10129099973175479132012-09-18T05:26:00.000-07:002012-09-18T05:26:11.973-07:00Lawn Moaner
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I did not want to mow
my lawn.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>As I looked down from the
front porch onto the steep incline that was my front yard, sweat trickled from
my forehead, down my nose and onto the painted steps on which I stood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes darted back and forth from the trees
to the rocks randomly peeking up from the high grass that covered the slope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a yard for skiing, not mowing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I glanced ever so carefully to my left and
when I did, I knew it was a mistake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There along the edge of my property line, the yard dropped down into my
neighbor’s yard, each plot divided by boulders and more rocks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gasped audibly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned around and headed back into the
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a marathon of</em> The Office <em>I
could watch instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The yard…and my
fears…would have to wait.</em> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">While perhaps a bit dramatic, this basically summed up my
thoughts on mowing the lawn at my new house; steep hill in the front,
continuing along the sides and rocks surrounding all of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The house I lived in previously was on a hill
as well, but it was a much bigger hill with a noted but gradual slope that was
easy to navigate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my old house, I
had a yard tractor (or a riding lawn mower but “yard tractor” sounds much manlier).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved mowing that lawn because I would just
plug in my iPod and ride around the yard for about an hour or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my daughters were younger, they used to
love to ride on my lap while I was mowing the lawn which I had no problem
letting them do as long as I wasn’t going up or down the hills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In my new house, however, the CPS would be called if I let my daughters
ride with me while mowing that lawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Heck, there’s no way I would use the lawn tractor at my new house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even without the steep hill in front and on
the sides, the yard is much too small for something like a yard tractor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed a push mower but with that type of
mower there came a clear and present danger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All of my thoughts on the matter were around my fear of trying to cut
the grass, slipping, rolling down the hill, bouncing off the rocks and into an
oncoming UPS van.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Below is an artist’s
depiction of me mowing my new yard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
picture was made using nothing but the finest graphic artist software available
to me:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht5z8d_9SAHqZrm-V0grTP5A3oHbMBuD2_9eOJIRfinnZWpfgP3UWxmXtetbb2P3Dh5F47geHCUk9gBV2BCUqL0J9NVnboc7M8WO1ILr4u-s4MSKhHHKIzWnaAZM4axzvrOovP5OuqxgrR/s1600/yard_work.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht5z8d_9SAHqZrm-V0grTP5A3oHbMBuD2_9eOJIRfinnZWpfgP3UWxmXtetbb2P3Dh5F47geHCUk9gBV2BCUqL0J9NVnboc7M8WO1ILr4u-s4MSKhHHKIzWnaAZM4axzvrOovP5OuqxgrR/s320/yard_work.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">As you can see, it’s pretty steep and the lawn tractor would
have been useless trying to get up that hill unless my goal was to be crushed
underneath the tractor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it would have been
perfect!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as I said, the yard is just
not big enough to justify using a riding lawn mower even on the flatter areas
of the yard (primarily in the back).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No,
using that tractor would have been like trying to convince a Republican to vote
Democrat purely by posting things on his Facebook wall:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>useless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I put off mowing the lawn for well over a month from when I
moved in and even then, it needed to be cut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I kept using excuses like moving in, getting settled, having the girls
over for the weekend and taking naps as reasons not to mow it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, however, it needed to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fall was approaching and soon that tall grass
would be entwined with leaves making the mow that much tougher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order to mow the lawn, however, I needed a
machine with which to mow said lawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">You see, with a lawn like mine, your typical (and cheaper)
mowing option wouldn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mower
had to be self-propelled but the wheels in the back needed to do the
propelling, not the ones in the front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rear wheel mowers are probably around $75-$100 bucks more than front
wheel ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I needed to decide what
type of starter:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>normal prime-choke-and
pull, no prime/choke, or electric start. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided on no prime/no choke and pull although I
seriously considered the electric start but I read most of the starting
mechanisms go out within the first month or two and then you’re left with a
normal pull start, so I just fast forwarded to having that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Then there was a litany of other options to consider: how
much power; does it include a place to screw in a water hose on the mower deck
to easily clean the blades; is there a mulch kit included (I never bag); and
how many cup-holders does it have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
of these are very important things to consider when buying a new lawn mower
these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only problem is that I
used my “consumer research” as yet another excuse to not get out there and mow
the damn lawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just didn’t want to
face that Everest like front lawn!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Meanwhile, the grass is growing higher than most of the hair styles of
80’s metal bands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Finally, I bought a new mower and yesterday evening, I went
out and tackled the task that has been taunting me for the past month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After putting in oil and gas into the new
lawn mower (and it had that new lawn mower smell everyone likes), I fired it up
(on the first pull, no less) and started mowing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided to take the flatter areas down
first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No need in killing myself so
early in the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This way, when the
morgue came to collect my body they can comment on how nice MOST of
the yard looked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The mower bogged down a few times as it choked on grass that
really could have used a scythe rather than a mower but Craftsman didn’t make a
powered scythe so I kept restarting the mower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I finally got a feel for when it was about to start bogging and tilted
the mower up to clear out the clogged up grass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have never had a rear wheel drive mower and let me tell you something,
I had to hang on for most of the job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again,
it’s probably just something I need to adjust to but that thing was dragging me
across the lawn in some spots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t
believe how fast it was going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Okay, enough was enough; I needed to tackle that hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started making passes along the edge,
trying to get a feel for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, when
I felt the mower starting to go almost 90 degrees downhill, I had to adjust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rear wheel drive was mainly aiding the
mower in getting downhill faster at the angle I was trying to cut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No mower based propulsion system was going to
overcome gravity it appeared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then
started pointing the mower straight ahead and went back and forth in swatches
along the hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This worked better but I
wished my mower had a powered reverse. I don’t even know if mowers come with that
option but it would have been helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After getting most of the top and sides done but without getting to the
really steep parts, I stepped back, took a look at what I had completed and
thought….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Good enough!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I then went back in and watched Steve Carrell's final espisode on <em>The
Office</em>. </span></div>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-7811518267074718472012-09-15T07:29:00.000-07:002012-09-15T07:30:10.798-07:00Lessons Learned<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Marriage has taught me some valuable and some not so valuable life lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> N</span>ot the big ones like making sure you don’t take your marriage for granted or that open and honest communication is the key to a successful marriage. Let's just assume I have learned those in spades. No, I wanted to talk about some of the lesser known lessons I’ve learned and how those are applying to my new life as a single man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here are just some of the lessons I’ve learned and have applied to my everyday life:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <em> </em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>Laundry folding</em> – By observing the MMC, I have learned how to better fold my t-shirts so they stay somewhat unwrinkled when pulling out of the drawer (that is, if I don’t leave them in the dryer or the laundry basket unfolded for a week).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still, however, do not know how to successfully fold a towel. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <em> </em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>Leaving the toilet seat down</em> – I’m not sure when or where or why the rule became for men to make sure the toilet seat is put down and not the women to make sure the toilet seat is put up but it does seem to be a universal rule for the seat to be down…especially when you live in a house full of women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though I am mostly on my own, I still find myself putting the seat down and maybe this is a good thing because there is nothing worse than in the middle of the night having to do a “sit down job” and finding that the toilet seat was up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Which, as I think of it, is probably why "seat down" became the universal rule.</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>Closing cabinet doors and drawers</em> – Again, the MMC taught me this because she was borderline obsessive compulsive on this matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a cabinet was left even just partially open it would send her into a frenzy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never really understood what the fuss was about other than maybe it made the kitchen look like it’s in some state of disarray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I became accustomed to making sure each cabinet or drawer was closed unless I was doing something like unloading the dishwaher…which meant nothing to the MMC. She would come through the kitchen while I was unloading and close the cabinets which threw<em> me</em> into a frenzy.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>Loving children</em> – Prior to being married to the MMC, I was convinced I didn’t want nor needed children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this came out of my first marriage where we ended it without having kids and I constantly thanked whoever was responsible for making sure that didn’t happen (either me, her or God).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This desire not to have kids also came out of a base fear I had of children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They intimidated me and I was always concerned I was going to say something that could potentially scar them for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, being 6’4”, I worried I was going to step on one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Now that I have children of my own, I love kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like messing with them, joking with them, wrestling around on the floor with them, and the best part, listening to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next time you are around a 5 to 7 year old, ask them how trees grow or how birds fly and savor their explanation like fine wine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The innocence of what they say and the determination to get the words out is a truly a joy to witness. Yes, they can be a pain at times, but so can most adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daily life can and has gotten in the way of me enjoying my children so it’s important to me to make sure that doesn’t happen again and thus, I try to make the most of my time with them (without overly spoiling them, however). <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <em> </em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>You get used to the noises your house makes</em> – Since being in my new house, I still haven’t gotten used to the noises it makes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t realize how accustomed you become to those noises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the noises from appliances you brought from the old house to the new house are different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why but the refrigerator I ended up getting to keep (contrary to what was said in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/bed-bath-and-bothered.html"> Bed, Bath, and Bothered</a></i>), makes noises I never noticed in my old house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am glad I do not own any guns because some of the noises that my new house makes would have been greeted with open fire on some nights. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <em> </em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>Never let your ex take the majority of the kitchen stuff</em> – When the MMC was packing up the kitchen, she asked what I wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t in the mood at that time to start dividing pots and pans and kitchen utensils so I just said I would take the old plates and just buy whatever else I needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mistake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First week in my new house and I quickly realized I didn’t have any microwave safe bowls, a four piece silverware set was not nearly enough, and a decent set of cutting knives is really required.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> <em> </em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><em>The word “butt-crack” will send your kids into hysterical laughter every time</em> – Nuff said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And finally … <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><em>I don’t need to have a wife in order to be a good father</em> – I’ve had my girls stay over three or four times now since I moved into my house and where I used to be worried about what I would do or how good a father I would be, I now just worry about what we are going to have for dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I owe most of this to how my girls have taken the whole divorce thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far, they have taken it very well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say “so far” because it’s still too early to think we’re home free and to be honest, it may take years for this to really hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now, though, they have taken this like well-adjusted and balanced people. They know their mom and dad are divorced and live in separate houses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They know we no longer wear our wedding rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have not asked when are we getting back together or when we will be in the same house again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if this is a result of telling them so early or that while they understand the <em>definition</em> of divorce, they don’t know the <em>meaning</em> of it yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I’ll take this to an estranged relationship or sad, depressed children any day. <br />
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I also owe a minor nod to my home selection. Having the indoor pool in my community has meant we all get time together while doing something that generates exercises (as opposed to just sitting around and watching TV) and is a lot of fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course it also means we go swimming regardless of how tired Daddy may be!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus they love their room with the bunk beds, dig the dog next door and love the playground as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When winter comes, there is a big snow hill we can sled on and they keep bugging me to get them an archery set because there is an archery range here too (truth is, I want a set to go out there as well!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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Keeping a balance between some fun, but not extravagant, activities and doing normal routine things like taking them to gymnastics and birthday parties, going grocery shopping and making dinner like a normal family has made this transition easier than I thought it would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I miss them when they are not here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like crazy, but in addition to the every other weekend stay overs, I see them every week for dinner or just to horse around for a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This almost constant contact has been key to keeping me sane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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I’m feeling good about what I have learned in my new role as part time dad and that’s the biggest and best lesson I could ever get. <br />
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Now, if you will excuse me, my daughters and I are going to build some birdhouses together. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> </span>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-63245734674242499502012-09-11T17:38:00.000-07:002012-09-11T17:38:06.756-07:00Travel and the Single Man<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For most of last year, I was on the road with my job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured I was away from home 40-45 weeks out of last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have previously surmised that I felt the traveling played a significant role in why I am no longer with my wife and daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a somewhat ironic thing because it wasn’t that I was out messing around when I was traveling which is what breaks up a lot of marriages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it was quite the opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was away, I missed my family and thus I spent the majority of my evenings in my hotel room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, I would go out to eat but I was pretty much back in the room by 8 or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I had to stay over the weekend which happened a few times, I still wasn’t out partying at some bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never been the type to do that anyway and even more so when I was married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Now that I am single again, I thought that traveling would be a more exciting proposition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted, I don’t travel near as much as I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve said in previous posts, I changed to a job that kept me home more. This was a valiant (although futile) effort to save my marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first big trip post separation was a trip to Prague in the Czech Republic (mentioned in the last post, <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/09/tales-of-beards-and-bracelets.html">Tales of Beards and Bracelets</a></i>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was for my company’s sales kick off and I thought “Man, this is where I am going to make my mark on being single again.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, at events like these, there are a lot of meetings and presentations but there are also a lot of social events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The company would tell you it’s a chance to network with your peers but most of the company’s employees will tell you it’s a great chance to get really drunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Seeing as how there would be several hundred employees there from all across the world and that I would be in a foreign country, I was ready to do my share of mingling and maybe even have some “fun” while I was there, if you know what I mean, wink-wink-nudge-nudge. On the plane over, I got my man-bracelet and had a few drinks to prep myself for what was sure to be a few nights of frivolity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was excited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was ready to do this thing known as being single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t wait so much so that I couldn’t sleep on the plane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">This excitement and readiness for living the single life at its fullest didn’t last long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first social event was after the first day of the meetings and there was a happy hour that went well into the night at the bar in the hotel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plenty of women and conversation but I was somewhat off to the side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not alone, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a few of the folks I work with who I should actually refer to as my friends but I wasn’t in the middle of chatting up some woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt out of place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like it was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t shake the fact that I had just gotten out of the most important relationship I ever had in my life and trying to dive into the single life at that point was like diving into a pool that had no water. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Still, I tried to be as sociable as I could but the flirty single man wasn’t coming out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one point, I was showing the man-bracelet that I got on the plane and said it was something to replace my wedding ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One woman who was in our group laughed and said, “Oh I know your type.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked at her quizzically and asked, “What is my type?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She proceeded to describe me as the man who cheated on his wife and now left her and his children behind in order to pursue a mid-life crisis as a single man on the prowl. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The words stung even though they were very, very far from the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever winds I had flowing through my sails were suddenly stopped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I politely (okay maybe not so politely, I had a few drinks in me after all) advised her that she was wrong and that my wife lost interest in the marriage and I wanted to work things out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never cheated on her and I couldn’t wait to see my daughters again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She quickly shut up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The rest of the trip was fun but there was one evening where the guys I was with were busily trying to find something to buy their wives and stopped at several stores to haggle for the best deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another moment where my ship stopped dead in the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have anyone to buy something for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh sure, I did get my daughters some souvenirs but it would have been nice to have someone special for which to buy something special. I would have been right there with my friends in the haggling arena if that were true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, I stood outside the door and watched people walk by letting that all too familiar buzzing of “whys” and “what happened” dart around my head. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to hide my depression from the guys but I’m not sure I did a great job at it although I hope it wasn’t too obvious. I didn’t and don’t want to be a downer around everyone just because life shit on me a little bit...okay so maybe this blog goes against that thought but I’m not forcing you to read this! :) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Another aspect of traveling relates to those little moments I talked about in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-little-things.html">The Little Things</a></i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever I used to sit at the airport waiting to board the plane or as soon as I got off the plane, I would call the MMC (see sidebar) just to talk for a bit or let her know I arrived if that was the case and ask how things were going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would talk to the girls as well but a highlight was just talking to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I said, I missed my wife and family when I traveled so making even short phone calls helped to ease that bit of loneliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I don’t have that option and when it occurred to me the first time I stepped off a plane, it felt odd…weird…different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">One more story of travel and being single and then I’ll let you go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was returning from going to Seattle for my niece’s wedding (see <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/open-letter-to-my-niece.html">An Open Letter To My Niece</a></i>), the girls and I got upgraded to first class on the flight back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They sat together in the first row and I was behind them in the aisle seat, ready to spring up if they started acting up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A woman sat next to me in the window seat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girls were absolutely perfect the entire flight and it certainly helped that it was a red-eye because they slept the majority of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those first class seats were practically beds for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we landed, I was getting the girls up and their things together when a woman who was seated across the aisle remarked to the woman who was sitting next to me that she has never seen such well-behaved children on a plane before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My “seat mate” said that she could take no credit for the girl’s behavior which I thought was a great response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other woman said “But you’re with the man who has the good little girls so you should be proud of that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We looked at each other, smiled, and let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No sense in trying to explain, although it did kind of bother me that this woman across the aisle made no attempt to give the compliment to me, the father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like fathers have nothing to do with the behavior of their children!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I should have gotten the phone number of the woman who sat next to me but this was before the Prague trip and if I wasn’t ready for single life then, I certainly wasn’t ready for it at that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I said I was going to let you go after that story, didn’t I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, one more thing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve noticed an evolution with these posts as I have been writing them and I wondered if it was noticeable to anyone else but me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started out with the hurt and pain of losing the woman I loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a few posts noting (hopefully humorously) about some facets of being single again (specifically in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/bed-bath-and-bothered.html">Bed, Bath and Bothered</a></i>) and how I will be a single father (as in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/parents-inc.html">Parents, Inc.</a></i>) but I spend most of my time on the divorce and the emotions around that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I do see that the posts are becoming less about her and more about not having someone, which I believe is signficant in that I am probably getting over her but not the situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think loneliness is part of the “suddenly single” package, isn't it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it doesn’t have to be a sad thing, it is a major part of getting through all of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The end of this may be when I meet someone but I think the end will be when I am WITH someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Okay, you can go now. Thanks for listening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-3153857623394638232012-09-07T05:23:00.002-07:002012-09-07T06:11:47.417-07:00Tales of Beards and Bracelets<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In between the time that my divorce papers were filed and I moved into my own house, I went through a period of doing some things outside of my normal routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Namely, I grew a beard and bought a bracelet…well, I prefer to call it a wrist band but I’ll get to that in a moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These were somewhat subtle changes but they were things that I would not have done had I remained a married man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">About a month before I moved out, I went on a business trip to Prague in the Czech Republic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To get there, I had to take an international flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked into renting a car but the ones that go into the water were apparently all booked up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since this was an international flight, you had the opportunity to do some duty free shopping on the plane and as I was thumbing through the catalog, a man’s bracelet caught my eye…and again, I don’t like using the term “bracelet.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sounds too feminine for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though that is how they are classified I decided the term “man-bracelet” took that girly edge off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyway, this man-bracelet was made of Italian braided leather and had a titanium clasp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clasp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s another term I’m not real fond of because, again, there is a feminine quality to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clasps are for bras and necklaces and other types of jewelry and yes, this man-bracelet is under the jewelry umbrella but just on the outer edge and probably gets wet a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Wow, I cannot stay on topic here, can I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So the man-bracelet caught my eye for two reasons: one, it was cool looking and two, I think subconsciously I was looking for a replacement to my wedding ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I wrote in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/discord-of-ring.html">The Discord of the Ring</a></i>, I loved wearing my wedding ring not only for what it represented but because it was comforting to have it on and to know it was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I stopped wearing it, I would occasionally panic because I thought I took it off and left it somewhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have those moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed something to take its place and this duty free bracelet for men felt right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was also the start of a pretty cool trip to a foreign country and I thought I was kind of kicking off my single life (I’ll talk about that in another post, though).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man-bracelet was my new wedding ring; a symbol of me being single again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being round, it had the same quality as a ring but it wasn’t a ring so no connotations of being married were attached to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a word, it was perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I flagged down the flight attendant and bought that baby on the spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t last more than a few minutes in the box before it was on my wrist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have it on and am considering maybe adding one or two others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that too much?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is one too many?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure but I don’t really care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like it and that’s really all that matters although I did ponder if I needed to wear it on a certain wrist to indicate that I was not gay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No disrespect to my homosexual friends and readers out there, but I grew up in a time where if you had an earring you’d better put it in the correct ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought maybe the same applied to bracelets on wrists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I realized I was 47 years old, not in high school anymore and it was 2012 so I put it on the left wrist. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">….that’s the correct one, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No…wait…don’t answer that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t important.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">The Man Bracelet!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">After I returned from Prague, I decided not to shave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Initially, it was the result of the laziness that is born out of depression but then it became something of a statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was stuck in my old house with the MMC and the tension was still palatable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By growing the beard, I felt like I was putting some insulation between myself and the situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it was a mask of sorts, trying to hide my pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth of the matter, the MMC hated beards and that was pretty much the only reason I needed at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I ended up referring to the hair growing out of my face as my divorce beard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus I had the divorce beard and the man bracelet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind of sounds like a cheesy 70’s buddy cop show, doesn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Divorce Beard and Man-Bracelet!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two cops looking for justice…in all the wrong places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Thursdays at 8 pm, 7 Central! <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I have never been one to grow a beard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a porn-star style moustache for most of the nineties and I actually shaved that around the time that the MMC and I first met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Interesting that I started to grow facial hair again when that the MMC were splitting up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But beards?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could never get one to grow fully. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It mainly grew thick in some places and thin (or not at all) in others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add to the fact that now that I’m older, the sides come in mostly gray so it didn’t look like it was growing at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Still, I persisted with the beard for a good two months or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, I got a bad haircut due to a miscommunication between myself and my hair stylist (is that what they call the folks who man the scissors at Pro-Cuts?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My almost shaved head looked really funny with my gray and splotchy beard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked like the lead character on Breaking Bad and that really wasn’t the look I was going for being newly single and all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried trimming the beard down so it didn’t look thicker than my hair but then I looked like I just got out of prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Ultimately, I gave up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shaved off the beard and actually felt better about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure I will try to grow it again but for now, I’m back to being clean shaven and looking a lot less like a ex-convict, meth dealer or homeless programmer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I still have the man-bracelet though!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t give up on that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">…I just may put in on the right wrist?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the road again</span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-85566435124692716462012-09-05T06:42:00.001-07:002012-09-05T06:42:05.013-07:00The Little Things
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Recently, I went back to my “home” state of Texas (I put
home in quotes because I’m not originally from there but its where I spent my formative
adult years so I like to refer to it as my home state ((Arizona is my other
home state where I spent my formative teenage years))).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outside of seeing friends and family, I also
went to Texas for the 19<sup>th</sup> season of my Fantasy Football
League.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though I lived several
states away, I made it a point each year to go down there to attend the
draft.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year it was decidedly
cheaper since it was just me going and not the whole family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like the fact that I have this league and
draft to go to each year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It helps keep
me in touch with the friends I have in Texas…although, with the divorce and my
need for support to get me through the last few months, I have been in almost
constant contact with a handful of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">A major part of the draft is the poker tournament we have
after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually six or seven of the guys
stick around, we each throw in $20 and have a tournament.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The payout goes to the first and second place
finishers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On this particular occasion,
the cards were falling for me and I ended up winning the thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was $120 in my pocket and it felt good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Well, almost good. You see, this was one of the little
things in life that is made better when you have someone to share it with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I was happy to have the money and to
win the tournament, my impulse was to call the MMC (see sidebar), tell her about it and then
tell her how I did in the draft…like I’ve done for the past eight years…but
that was no longer an option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">While I am on the mend now that I am on my own, there are
still these little moments that become somewhat hollow because I don’t have
someone close to share them with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any
event, no matter how small, becomes much more significant when you get to tell
the person you love about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
example, in my new place, I decorated a wall with various pictures of the girls
and ceramic fish my brother made a long time ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was proud of the placement and the way it
looked but even though I enjoyed it, it wasn’t the same without someone to
enjoy it with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I’m not sure how I felt about the little things when I was
single (pre-MMC).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That honestly feels
like a lifetime ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I experience
the minor “life wins” like breaking 100 in golf (okay, 105) or assembling
something that has “some assembly required” without having to take it apart
because I got a piece backwards, I’m sure I enjoyed them much more back then
than I do now, but I doubt I enjoyed them as much as when I was able to tell my
wife about them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if this says
more about the person you are with than it does the event or even more
specifically, that you HAVE a person to be share these minor events with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The other problem I have when the little things occur is the
feeling that I should do something to get that person back in my life so
that I do have someone to share them with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the most part, I
don’t think about getting back together with the MMC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the times when I am firmly planted
in reality and know that it's over between us. But when a small win comes along and I don’t have her around to
share it with, I start to get lonelier than I did before which in turn lessens the significance of the win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That loneliness leads to thoughts of what I
could do to “win her back.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately, I know that will probably never happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel certain that even if she felt like she
wanted to get back together or that she made a mistake, she would never tell
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She couldn’t tell me there were
problems to begin with, why would she make an even bigger effort to work things
out now that we are split up and the divorce will be final in less than 20
days?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">No, reconciliation isn’t in the cards and that just means I
need to take my little things, enjoy them to the best of my ability and try to
not follow that up with bouts of loneliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even better would be to find that next person to share them with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">If I do that, I would put that in the category of a big
thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk of whiskers and bracelets. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-47126181831693361332012-08-31T04:02:00.000-07:002012-08-31T04:02:53.165-07:00Entertainment Tonight, Today, and Always<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">As I was preparing to move into my own house, I considered the entertainment options available to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not much of a habitual TV watcher anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to love television and had a set of shows I would watch each night. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell what day it was by what shows were on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a time when a certain show caused a lot of talk in the office on the following day (i.e. Lost) so I had to be up to date or out on the office chatter. Consistent TV watching has waned since I stopped working in an office It got even worse when I was a</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> frequent traveler (I rarely turned on the TV in a hotel room) and even more so with recent events (and if you don’t know what those are, welcome to my blog!</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">We’ll wait while you get caught up…start at </span><i style="font-family: Verdana;"><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/why.html">Why?</a></i><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> and work your way up.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Done?</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Great!).</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Since I was on my own I didn’t need to be concerned over what the MMC (Mother of My Children, please see <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/08/what-to-call-woman-who-is-no-longer-my.html">What to Call The Woman Who Is No Longer My Wife</a></i> or in the side bar for more info on that) wanted to watch and I only need to be mildly concerned over what the girls wanted to watch when they came over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We generally stick with movie nights and maybe TV in the mornings as they wake up and we get the day rolling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Even though I had become more of an occasional TV watcher, I was still a big TiVo fan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recording the shows I really did want to watch (mainly <i>Modern Family, The Big Bang Theory, The Daily Show, Storage Wars</i> and <i>Mythbusters</i>) always meant I had something to watch at any given moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But since this has been the Summer of Divorce, most of these shows weren’t first run so I burned through them rather quickly during the rare moments that I actually wanted to watch TV and even during those times, I was only half paying attention. Thus when it came to making the entertainment choices for my new house, I pondered the latest thing in television technology:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On-demand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">During the time that I had control over the devices to feed my need for entertainment, I’ve experienced the Atari 2600, Nintendo, a VCR, cable, DVD player, the aforementioned TiVo, the Wii, Xbox and my latest device, the Playstation 3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got the Wii and Xbox mainly for the games … some for me, some for the kids but I discovered the other options available to me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Netflix, Hulu, Amazon On Demand and a plethora of other assorted services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got Netflix at first as our on demand movie choice but I was always frustrated with it because there would be a movie I wanted to watch but it was never available on Netflix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found Amazon On Demand to be a much better choice for movie rental or purchase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I also found it inconvenient to use Netflix because you had to add a movie or TV show to your queue on your PC or smart phone application and then fire up Netflix on your desired device to actually watch what you selected. </span>During the separation, I either discovered the functionality or there was a functionality change that allowed you to start selecting movies directly from the Netflix interface on the PS3. This made Netflix a lot better in my oh-so humble opinion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">With this discovery and the fact that Netflix had a Kid option, the girls were able to browse through the movies and TV shows to select what they wanted to watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Of course, after watching a Disney movie called <i>Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure</i> sixty-eight times, I'd like to know if there is a way to block certain selections. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">On Netflix, I did find several TV shows that I either stopped watching or have never watched before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was magnificent and furthered my desire to go only on demand in the new place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a period a time after the MMC and the kids moved out when all I had was my PS3 to get TV and I started watching episodes of <em>The Office</em> since I stopped watching it a few years ago. Again, I was thrilled and I started thinking, “Man, I should just do this all the time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More reasons started to collect in my head:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Money savings – We were paying for the premium cable package with HD channels that went up to around a $125 a month, although that included the internet connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still needed that but I figured I could cut the cost in half by not having the cable channels. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Not paying for something I wasn’t watching – Related to the money savings is the fact if I’m not watching the TV, I’m not paying for it (well, not as much at least).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With cable, if I didn't turn on the TV for a month, I wasted that month’s cable bill whereas with on-demand, I would be paying much less but have a lot more available to me at any time I wanted it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Always something to watch – Whether it’s seeing some old movie I forgot about (a lot of those I have rediscovered thanks to a buddy’s blog, <i><a href="http://talesfromthequeue.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Queue</a></i>) or watching the entire run of Cheers from the beginning, it didn’t seem like I could run out of things to watch. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add into the fact that I also had the other outlets like Amazon On Demand, Hulu and stream directly from web sites, my viewing platter was full and never ending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So when the day came to get connected, I called the cable company and I said I wanted internet only!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, THEY said, I needed at least the local channel cable option along with the internet connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also proceeded to go through the other packages and by the time I got off the phone, I had the cable plus package along with internet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t pull the trigger to go on demand only.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about sports that I would miss and how I would get two TVs running under this system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, I had a TV in my living room and one in the basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I didn’t have one in my bedroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hate having a TV in the bedroom and especially going to sleep with it on. This was a difference between me and the MMC and could very well be the main reason we got a divorce (I mean, I really don’t know other than what I have speculated on…again, go back and read my other blogs for more information on that).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the girls wanted to watch TV in the basement, I needed a device to stream the on-demand content and I know there are plenty I could get but when it came down to it, I just went with cable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Maybe someday I will live the on-demand dream but for now I’ll just the change channels until I find something I want to watch. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth is, I still have access to on-demand so I can finish off the episodes of <em>The Office</em> I haven’t seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And as I write this, I see that all that is on regular cable right now are infomercials and ESPN Sports Center updates I have already seen twelve times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm...maybe I should have just made the switch to on-demand after all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Then again, I could just stream <i>Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure</i> one more time...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The s</span>mall moments<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-62398201311325692652012-08-27T16:57:00.001-07:002012-08-27T16:58:08.415-07:00What to Call the Woman Who Is No Longer My Wife<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For those who are regular readers to my blogged babblings, I
have been struggling for some time now on how to refer to the woman who is no
longer my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure it must seem
silly to spend as much thought on this but as I have committed myself to
writing this blog; I am stopped down each time I needed to make reference to
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have made it a point to not write
out her real name although a good portion of my readers know it. This blog is
about me and my feelings and while I need to talk about her, I don’t need to
personalize it by including her name and thus I have kept it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also think that at some deeper level having
a pseudonym for her helped me to not get too emotional while writing these
posts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Maggie Stiefvater wrote in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception</i>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Names are a way to keep people in your
mind.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may not seem it considering
how much I write about her but I don’t want to really keep her in mind so I
don’t want to state her name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A name
gives someone life and feeling and within these “walls” I don’t want to give
that to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not trying to be mean;
I just would prefer the “distance.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Using a name is too close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Calling her my wife certainly didn’t fit any more even
though at the time of this writing, the divorce was not officially final.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others have used the acronym STBX which
stands for Soon To Be Ex but what do you call them once they are no longer
“soon to be?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus I didn’t care for the
sound of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Stabuhex.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sounds like a creature from the Lord of the
Rings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The other option and one that I have been using is “Ex” or
“the Ex.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also not crazy about this
endearment either as it sounds too menacing: “Enter: The EX!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another problem I have with simply referring
to her as the Ex is the negative connotation it has on me. I mean, I get it
already!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I have “struck out” once again in marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“X” marks the spot of failure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Cross” another one off the list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I know it’s supposed to refer to her but it also acts as a
constant reminder to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">A friend on Facebook posted: “How about the “X-Wife” since
she’s the super villain in this story?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not saying my wife (or ex-wife or soon to be ex-wife…see why I need
a specific term??) and I are great friends right now but I don’t like referring
to her as a super-villain (although X-Wife does have a certain amount of flair
to it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another suggestion was the Evil
Queen but again, “evil” is a bit much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">No, she’s not a villain, she’s not evil and she’s not a
Tolkien creature. So what to call her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t know but then inspiration hit me when I read this blog:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-gilad/ex-husband_b_1762302.html"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-gilad/ex-husband_b_1762302.html</span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">You can read the blog yourself (after you finish mine, natch!)
but basically the guy writing it has been divorced for several years and bumped
into his former wife at a party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
kept referring to him as his Ex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Here’s
my Ex!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That’s my Ex!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got perturbed by the term being applied to
him as much as I don’t like applying it to my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he stated:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I do not identify myself as her
‘ex.’ … I feel, in all ways, utterly current.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>He went on to write:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Let's all let go of the past, as surely as the
future will let go of us. I, for one, would rather be introduced by my name,
with an addendum, that "we were married once." Or as "the father
of our children."<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And there it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While reading that, I realized that the best term, the most accurate
term I can use to describe my Ex, my STBX, my X-Wife and Evil Queen is … “The
Mother of My Children” or MMC for short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt good writing
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t negative and 100%
factual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean in some weird soap opera
twist it could come out that one or both of my daughters were not biologically
mine but since I’ve been the only father they have ever known and my name is on
the birth certificate, they were still mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you can’t say she wasn’t my daughter’s mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I saw their birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I held her
hand as she had each one and complained about how badly my feet hurt from
standing there the whole time like she was perfectly comfortable the entire
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, she IS the Mother of My
Children. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the MMC. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No doubt, no denial, no problem using that
term from here on out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Still, I have some regret not being able to use a Tolkien
reference but maybe “My Preeecciousssss” would have been a little too creepy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s on TV?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-21696560309691782142012-08-24T05:27:00.001-07:002012-08-24T05:27:49.672-07:00The Next in Line<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">And now let me enter waters I shouldn’t even go into…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I don’t know if it’s too early to think or worry about when the “next in line” comes along. You know, the next date, lover, fiancé, and/or spouse. Oh and just so we’re clear, I’m talking about my ex-wife’s next date, lover, fiancé, and/or spouse, not mine. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">There’s a part of me that’s saying, “Uh, Kevin? Do you really want to put yourself through this type of torture?” And since I’m writing this, I guess there’s another part of me answering, “Yup!”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Here’s why this topic is somewhat heavy on my mind. I still don’t know the exact length of time my wife was checked out of our marriage but I guesstimate about a year or so; possibly a little less time but not by much…eight months maybe. So, it’s somewhat natural to think that she would be ready to enter the dating scene much sooner than me. I am only two to three months removed from the realization that my marriage was over. She’s had plenty of time to get used to the idea and move on.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i>Stupid side note: “Guesstimate” did not come up as an error on my spell checker which means it’s an actual word. When did that happen? Can I get on some distribution list when words I thought I made up became real Webster-qualified words? Just asking… </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">For all I know, she’s already started dating. I mean once the divorce was officially filed, what would there be to stop her? </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I know that, for the most part, this is none of my business anymore and I’m not bringing this up because of jealousy…well, maybe not entirely. I’m primarily concerned for my kids. I don’t know what mind-state my ex is in but I have seen all too often the recently divorced woman who starts going party crazy: out at bars every night, applying more make-up than they had previously, dressing a little more “showy” than they were before, and cycling through boyfriends like they are changing channels on the TV. I’m not saying my ex will do all or any of that…those traits don’t really fit in with her personality but I didn’t think giving up on a marriage fit in with her either, so what do I know?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In the interest of not sounding like a Rick with a “p”, let’s put aside the possible “party girl-ness” of my ex and take a look at some statistics. I read that the majority of people who get divorced get remarried within ONE YEAR! One year! Can you believe it? I know I can’t. What makes that statistic even worse is that more than half of those will end in divorce (because more than half of all marriages, whether it’s the first, second or otherwise, end in divorce). Go marriage! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I can only assume this part of the population is glomming onto a new love because they just got out of a particularly bad one. I just wonder how much thought is given to what they are putting their children through. These poor kids have just gone through the experience of their parents splitting up, living in separate houses and them being shuffled back and forth according to the “visitation schedule.” Now they must endure someone else stepping in as the new man in their mom’s life (or a new woman in their dad’s life…hey, I can take on some of this). Even though my kids were made aware of the divorce early on and that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be living together anymore, just recently my oldest daughter made reference that Mommy was my girlfriend. They still don’t completely understand. It astonishes me that people would then knowingly make it harder by bringing in the replacement partner/parent too early.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">When we were working on our separation agreement, I came across something called a “Paramour Clause.” No, this isn’t a sexy Santa but rather a statement that could be put into the agreement that stipulated neither spouse was allowed to have a romantic partner stay overnight with the children present for a specified period of time or even open ended…no real stop date. I think having that in there forever is ridiculous but I considered adding the clause to prevent it for 6 months to a year. To be honest, at first it was mainly out of the jealousy of my wife being with someone else and here was my chance to try to sabotage that. Then it became consideration for the girls’ mental wellbeing. Ultimately though, I decided not to include it. How would I prove such a thing other than hiring a private investigator to sit outside her house all the time or, even worse, grill my girls on it when they were with me? I think my ex and I have done a pretty good job at keeping the whole divorce process civil and, more importantly, keeping our kids out of it. The last thing I needed to do was ruin it by manically questioning them on who Mommy might be sleeping with. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Even if I was independently wealthy and could afford the private investigator, what type of penalty could I impose on her? A deduction in child support? Take full custody of the girls? No. Those penalties strike at the girls as well as my ex. When we started the divorce process, I always knew the girls would stay with their mother. It would have been cruel to them to do it any other way. I still believe that. Regardless of how crappy she was at communicating and keeping up her end of the marriage, she’s still a good mother and the girls need that. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Truthfully, the idea of the Paramour Clause and me even writing about this to begin with does lie in jealousy, but not of my ex being with another man; it's with my girls being with another father. I worry that whoever is next in line will be a better dad than I am or that the girls will like him more than me. Is this a silly fear? I wonder how other divorced dads deal with this situation. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In the long run, I guess there is nothing I can do about it other than try to be the best dad I can be and hope that my ex doesn’t position Mr. Next in Line as being the better choice. I do think it will be challenging but having children in the first place has been challenging; realizing your spouse no longer loves you has been challenging; going through a divorce has been challenging… It’s just another challenge in the long string of challenges that make up our lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I just hope this one turns out to be a very small challenge and not a big one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Next time: What's in a name?</span><br />
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-805356565191275102012-08-21T04:14:00.003-07:002012-08-21T04:14:34.494-07:00Moving Daze: Part 4<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Previously on <em>Went From Being Married to Single</em>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As exciting as it was to have a new place to call my own, I would trade it all in to go back to the life my wife and I once shared...</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I was just going to have to face them as I was and hope it wasn’t some hot chick standing at my doorstep. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Seems like it had only been a week or so since my wife moved out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was only a week or so ago.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I was never going to ask her to marry me nor was I instantly smitten with her but I couldn’t help but have these racing thoughts as I met her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">In a way, your life is like a movie and the people you meet and become friends with are cast members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">After my first meeting my new neighbor and the somewhat imagined anxiety that came with it, it was back to the business of moving in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent the first Friday, Saturday and Sunday moving my personal belongings over to the new house. That basically amounted to five trips with my truck packed as high as I could safely manage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For the most part, I stuck with my plan of unloading, putting the boxes in the rooms they should be in and unpacking before getting the next load.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The exception was with the items going into my basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those unfamiliar with the term “basement,” it’s like an attic but below your house (and for those unfamiliar with the term “attic,” it’s like a basement but above your house). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Some houses have what is called a “walk out” basement which means there is a door (be it French, sliding or standard) that gives you easy access to said basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most, however, only have access through what is called a Bilco door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is basically a double door attached to the back of your house positioned at a slant going down a set of stairs to get to the basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think of the scene in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Wizard of Oz</i> where Dorothy’s aunt and uncle, much to the dismay of Child Protective Services, went down into the basement without taking their neice with them when the twister showed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those doors Dorothy was banging on were Bilco doors (which is the actual company name that, like Jell-O and Kleenix, have become uniquely associated with the product).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike running down them when a twister is approaching, it isn’t as easy to take a load of boxes and furniture down them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, my items have collected (and have stayed) in the garage until I can muster up the energy, desire and need for garage space to move them. Meh. Maybe tomorrow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Speaking of moving, the movers came on Monday to get all the furniture I couldn’t get on my own or wanted to bother friends with to help me move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me tell you, hiring professional movers is certainly the way to go (short of buying all new furniture, I suppose).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went with the four hour minimum plan with my movers because the entirety of the furniture I had to move equated to a small one bedroom apartment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That had to be enough time to get everything over to the new place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just to make sure, however, when the movers arrived and started working, I started a timer on my phone so I could keep track of their progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Within an hour and a half, they had everything loaded which included several items I didn’t point out a week or so previously when the moving company sales rep came by to do the estimate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still concerned on time, though, because the driveway leading up to my house was the shortened equivalent of climbing Mount Everest…or at least that’s what it feels like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought if they had to park at the bottom of the driveway and cart/carry things up, it was going to take a lot longer because all three of these guys smoked and their lungs probably couldn’t take hitting that incline too many times with the weight of some of my furniture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagined long breaks with a lot of wheezing in them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Luckily these guys were professionals and they were able to back their big truck up the driveway and keep it from rolling back down the hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Awesome!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They got everything unloaded and put in the proper rooms in the time allotted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just knew I was going to have to pay extra but I didn’t which was a good thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">On a side note, I know I was paying these guys but when they were huffing and puffing over a particularly heavy item and asked where it needed to go, I felt guilty about saying, “Um…down in the basement, please,” (see aforementioned dissertation on the basement and bilco doors). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have one of the last big tube televisions in existence that easily weighs 250 pounds and I know from experience it’s a bitch to move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This TV is one of the primary reasons I got movers so my guilt didn’t last too long. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">After the movers left, I continued to empty the boxes I had, find places for various items and enjoyed the fact that I could finally sit down somewhere besides the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course now that I had this comfort, I didn’t get any hot chicks coming to my front door with various forms of house warming gifts, but that was okay. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The next few days were mainly spent doing the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Putting together the girls’ loft style beds I talked about in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/bed-bath-and-bothered.html">Bed, Bath and Bothered</a></i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Figuring out which power cord powered which device.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Excuse me, electronic companies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it too much to ask to put the names of the devices said power cord is supplying power too on the actual power cord?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not so organized that I labeled everything (mental note for next move: label everything).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Constantly trying to turn on the water in the kitchen by flipping on the sprayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The faucet knob and sprayer are in opposite sides from my previous residence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Looking at the garage with all the basement stuff in it and going, “Meh. Maybe tomorrow.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Celebrating each successful trek up my driveway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Moving a pile of stuff that I didn’t know where to put from one place to another place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this gave me the feeling I was accomplishing something but in reality I wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That pile also grew bigger each day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Five trips to Lowe’s!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I forgot what a pleasure it was to have a brand new house rather than one that is used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first I didn’t have the right connections for hooking up the water to my refrigerator (three trips to Lowe’s just on getting that done).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I changed the shower head in the master bedroom (needed one that actually went above my head) which required Teflon tape and another wrench to get the old one off (two trips to Lowe’s for that task). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">A lot of pondering on whether I should paint some of the inside walls or not (I haven’t). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The bottom line is that while I am all moved in, I am not completely settled in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am probably farther along than most would be but I hoped to be completely done by now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I sit here writing this, however, with the piles of files, books, various cords and computer devices littered about me in my office, it’s very apparent that I still have a long way to go.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Maybe I should get this stuff organized now…or maybe I should move the stuff out of the garage and into the basement? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Meh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe tomorrow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pondering the replacement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-43739968401710061912012-08-17T05:25:00.000-07:002012-08-17T05:25:09.032-07:00Moving Daze: Part 3
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Previously on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Went
From Being Married to Single</i>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As
exciting as it was to have a new place to call my own, I would trade it all in
to go back to the life my wife and I once shared...</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">The
place I called and reserved my 14’ truck said “No problem!” but U-Haul Inc.
called Friday afternoon to inform me, “Problem!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Nothing
like a good set of bungee cords,” I will now be saying to my children every
chance I get. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I
think I ended up with the ergonomically un-sound “kitchen work trapezoid” but
that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got everything as
organized as I could.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I
was contemplating a nap when…the doorbell rang. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I sprung up from the floor and reached frantically for my
ball cap, which was covered in sweat from moving all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, my entire body was covered in the
byproduct of spending the day in the heat and humidity: namely sweat and
stench.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have time for a shower
and hiding in the bedroom probably wasn’t too neighborly like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just going to have to face them as I
was and hope it wasn’t some hot chick standing at my doorstep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I made my way out of my room and went down the wrong hallway
…stupid new house and not being fully comfortable with the layout yet!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A quick turnaround and I was at the front
door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have narrow windows on either
side which I could have used to see who was out there but I thought that might
be rude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I adjusted my hat and hoped the
stink from moving wasn’t too bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
opened the door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I talk about who was there! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Nah, just kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
the door was a small dog with an owner attached to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The owner was a young woman…younger than me at
any rate which isn’t saying too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
would say around 30 or so. She had just come from the beach at the lake we have
in our community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She presented me with
a card, a bottle of wine and welcomed me to the neighborhood. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">At that point, time froze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My mind started fast forwarding through the various ways the next few
minutes could play out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had brown
hair and brown eyes and was very attractive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Could this be the next woman in my life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Already?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could that possibly
be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems like it had only been a week
or so since my wife moved out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> only a week or so ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
couldn’t figure out what was happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More importantly, what was my next move?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I thought back to when I was getting the house inspected.
The original owner was there and we were talking about the neighborhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I jokingly asked in my best douchebag voice,
“Any single chicks around here? I’ll be in the market, y’know.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said a couple houses down lived a single
lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could this be her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did he mention me to her and now she was checking
me out?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That made me feel a little awkward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was this the first time she saw me or has she
been hiding in the bushes while I was unloading my truck?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heck, there were plenty of trees and bushes
to hide in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">had</i> been spying on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if she’s some deranged lunatic who wants
to get me into her house and then tie me down like that guy in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Misery</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What if she thinks her dog is her brother or something? Or worse, what
if her dog WAS her brother?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I needed to slow down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was taking this in all too fast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even if she was a deranged lunatic, she was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hot</i> deranged lunatic so that accounts for something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve said before, everything is better
with Super Models and while maybe she wasn’t a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">super</i> model, her looks definitely made things better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">My looks at the time, however, did absolutely nothing
positive to the situation at all. Sweaty, stinky with scraggly divorce beard in
full glory and hair that was due for a cut sticking out the sides of a mangy
looking ball cap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If first impressions
meant anything, my first impression was that of a homeless person who just ran
a 5K.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I thought I should ask her in but she had her dog and may
have felt uncomfortable bringing him/her inside my house and as it was, what
was I inviting her in to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A mostly empty
house with a few dozen boxes strewn about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t have any place to sit and there was a good chance my body odor
would be more prevalent in an enclosed space. She was standing out on the front
porch in the open air so it’s possible she hadn’t noticed it yet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">As my mind raced, I realized that time unfroze and I needed
to say something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Thanks!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s great to have such a nice
neighbor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s your dog’s name?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, that wasn’t too bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were worse things I could have said
like “Hamburger popsicles are good for the teeth, don’t you think?” or “Will
you marry me?” but I held it together and started off with a decent
question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me the dog’s name and
said if I needed to know where anything was to just ask, she would be around or
“Bob” (name changed to protect the innocent) would be around too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Bob?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Uh, Bob?” I stumbled. “Your…husband?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Maybe someday,” she replied. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Ah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reality
restored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Let’s be honest here. I was never going to ask her to marry
me nor was I instantly smitten with her but I couldn’t help but have these
racing thoughts as I met her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
entering my life of being single, in my new home and here was an attractive
woman at my door. How could I not have thoughts of “What if…?” even if for a
fleeting moment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The truth is, even if she was single, I was not in an
emotional position to pursue any type of relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be like having your hands crushed
and then immediately sitting down to play the piano.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t make sense and would probably be
extremely painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And let’s continue to
face it, even if she was single AND interested in me, would it be an even
remotely good idea for the first person I go out with after my divorce be my
next door neighbor?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if it doesn’t
work out? Can we spell awkward?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(According to my spell check, yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, I can). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The real point of all this babbling is that I am simply
happy to see that I have a really nice neighbor and I look forward to becoming
friends (yes, FRIENDS) with her and her boyfriend/fiancé/significant other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just left a neighborhood where I had really
nice neighbors and while I hope they will still be a part of my life, I want
and need to establish relations with the people in my new neighborhood. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my old job, I travelled a lot and didn’t
have many opportunities to become closer with my neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt guilty that I was gone all the time
and wanted to spend it with my wife and daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lately, however, I was able to establish
better friendships with them and I hope to continue them even though I am not
living in that neighborhood any longer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In a way, your life is like a movie and the people you meet
and become friends with are cast members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It becomes a large, ensemble cast over time and it’s important to
remember when they said their first lines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what I am trying to capture here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hope that the brief exchange I shared with my new neighbor isn’t a
scene that ends up on the cutting room floor but rather becomes an integral
part as we transition into Act Two of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">….or is this Act Three?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Four, maybe?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve lost
count.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time: More stuff on moving<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-29249875820753021882012-08-14T06:57:00.002-07:002012-08-14T07:00:35.536-07:00Moving Daze: Part 2<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Previously on </i>Went From Being Married To Single<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">: <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">All moves into houses start with one significant event: the closing…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, if all of this is required to get the loan and I want the loan, why can’t I just sign in one place and give me the damn keys, already?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Even with everything going on, I’ll take the girls when I can…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">... the bed of my truck sticks over a foot out from the garage opening … <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As exciting as it was to have a new place to call my own, I would trade it all in to go back to the life my wife and I once shared...</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Regardless of whatever I was feeling at the time, I still had moving to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the girls in tow, I was able to get one load over to the new house on Friday night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was mostly the items that went into the garage: tools, various boxes filled with junk I may never actually look at again, and more tools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">My original plan was to rent a U-Haul on Friday night, start loading it until I could load no more, go to bed, wake up early on Saturday morning and continue to load until it was full or all of my stuff was in there, whichever came first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, U-Haul had other plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The place I called and reserved my 14’ truck said “No problem!” but U-Haul Inc. called Friday afternoon to inform me, “Problem!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There weren’t any trucks to rent at that time from that place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What times and places do you have?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked, a bit perturbed I even had to ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several options should have been ready to go. The only thing they could find was an office 20 miles away from my new house that had a truck that was only 10’ long without a loading ramp and I could only pick it up at 2 pm on Saturday for four hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That wasn’t going to work so I went with Plan B…once I figured out what that was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Actually Plan B was what I did when I was single:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loaded up my truck as high as I could and moved the stuff myself, taking several trips instead of just one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind of fit, didn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was single and thus I return back to the ways of the single man…well, almost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still had movers coming to get the big stuff on the following Monday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I decided to take the plan change in stride and made the most of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saturday morning, while the girls watched TV waiting for their mom to pick them up, I loaded up my truck, covered up my possessions with a tarp because it looked like rain and bungee corded the hell out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned in <i><a hhref="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/packing-it-in.html" href="http://www.blogger.com/null">Packing It In</a></i> that I wasn’t sure if the money I spent on bubble wrap was worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, the $7.00 I spent on a new set of multi-length bungee cords was totally worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only were they useful in keeping my stuff from flying out of my truck and along the roadways of Northeast Pennsylvania, they were also handy with my hand-truck in securing the heavier and bulkier items to it so I could move them around more easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nothing like a good set of bungee cords,” I will now be saying to my children every chance I get. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The truck was loaded but no Ex in sight, so I started to dismantle my office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the only room I hadn’t done a whole lot of packing in since I work from home and I needed most everything in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My desk has a matching printer stand and a two drawer file cabinet and both of these have hutches with glass paned cabinets on the top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really like them but the hutches won’t make it into the new house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The office there is one the previous owners built above the garage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s basically a long, “A” shaped room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s going to be a cool place to work but to use the hutches in there would mean putting the printer stand and file cabinet in the middle of the room since the walls start to pitch inward about 30 inches from the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I’m all for adventurous furniture placement (and who isn’t??), that didn’t seem too practical. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyway, once the Ex arrived and I said goodbye to the girls, I ran my truckload over to the new house. I decided to unpack what I unloaded immediately after I unloaded it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the past, I would have brought each load over, stacked it up in the garage and then went back for the next load.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once everything was at the new place, I would then spend the next 14 months unpacking it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not this time. With the exception of stuff I was storing in the basement, I put each box in the room it should be in and then unpacked whatever was practical for me to unpack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This mainly meant the kitchen which, let’s face it, is the most unpacking intensive room in the house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I was faced with a quandary at this point: how to organize the kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my new house is quite a bit smaller than my old house, I don’t have certain amenities like a pantry so I needed to use cabinet space for my non-refrigerated food supplies. This meant a strategic storing of my dishes, pots and pans and plastic ware. Quickly, I devised a schematic that would incorporate proper storage and the ergonomically sound “kitchen work triangle.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The schematic was perfect, the execution, not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I ended up with the ergonomically un-sound “kitchen work trapezoid” but that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got everything as organized as I could. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That Saturday, I was able to make two big truckload trips, got several boxes unpacked and cleaned up the old house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the late afternoon, I was laying on the floor in my new master bedroom, sweating and exhausted from the frantic pace of moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was contemplating a nap when…the doorbell rang. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I was about to meet my new next door neighbor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Next time: I meet my new next door neighbor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-42762110642662961422012-08-12T05:54:00.002-07:002012-08-12T06:05:37.497-07:00Moving Daze: Part 1<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <br />
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All moves into houses start with one significant event: the closing (unless you are just renting, then it’s mainly pick up your keys at the office).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been to four closings in my lifetime and I generally dread them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first one took three hours because some of the paperwork was wrong and needed to be corrected and while my second and third went relatively okay (especially the third…when you are having a house built, the closing takes almost no time), I was still dreading my fourth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leading up to the closing, all of the work was done through e-mail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I actually spoke to my mortgage company three times on the phone over the 45 day process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get me wrong, I loved that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give me an online option over an in person or phone option any day of the week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, with something as big as buying a house, I trepidatiously entered the closing expecting the worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I shouldn’t have worried though; I was in and out within 40 minutes with only a slight cramping of the right hand from signing the phone book…I mean the pile of papers for the loan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do wonder when we will get to the day where all of this will be on an iPad-like tablet and all you have to do is sign and initial once and those will automatically populate to the places they need to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swear a lot of the forms were introduced to me as “And again, this is just to say that you confirm you are buying the house as-is with no warranties.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did I already sign something to this effect?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was dizzy from paperwork so I couldn’t remember exactly but if I did, why am I signing it again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did ask after the 40<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> signature if anyone ever refused to sign any of the forms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The closing agent and my real estate agent just laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be getting the loan!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, if all of this is required to get the loan and I want the loan, why can’t I just sign in one place and give me the damn keys, already?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I really shouldn’t complain, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It went by very smoothly and my closing costs actually ended up way cheaper than originally estimated (although by their own admission, they over-estimate the closing costs so the buyer is prepared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fine with me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would rather be surprised in not having to pay as much as opposed to having to pay more). <o:p></o:p></div>
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With the closing completed and me armed with a file folder full of mortgage documents as well as a small catalog of the bylaws of the community I was moving into, I took my new set of keys and garage door openers and bolted to my new house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a busy day and it already started with having the girls in the morning and then tending to them in the afternoon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though technically the girls were supposed to be with their mother this weekend, she had her cousin’s wedding to go to and they did not allow kids at the wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that was odd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always thought weddings were fun for kids…anyway, I guess they thought differently. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a problem for me, by the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even with everything going on, I’ll take the girls when I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just needed to juggle the closing with picking up the girls, taking them to gymnastics class and being on a conference call for work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fun times for what should have been my first moving day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I already had most of my clothes in the back seat of my truck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose that was opening me up for something bad to happen at closing but I took the chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting a sticker for my truck to allow me to get in and out of the community was first on my list and I got that marked off in no time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got the sticker I also received yet another folder full of stuff about the community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reading requirement for living in this place was like studying for the SATs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drove over to the house, pulled into the garage after opening the door with my newly signed for garage door openers and discovered my truck doesn’t fit all the way into the garage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The back end sticks out and would definitely prevent me from closing the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bit annoying but I needed to trade my truck in for something smaller and with four-wheel drive anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in Texas without four-wheel drive is okay but it’s been a struggle up in snow country and now that I have a driveway that has an incline as sharp as some New York Cheddars, I really needed something different (plus I no longer had the backup of my Ex with her four-wheel drive Jeep).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add into the fact that the bed of my truck sticks over a foot out from the garage opening and automotive shopping was in my immediate future. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Undaunted by this discovery, however, I pulled out the various pieces of luggage I had my clothes hastily packed in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, I used to travel quite a bit so my luggage collection has grown quite a bit as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I threw all the suitecases into my master bedroom and then meandered through the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had already been there once that morning before the closing to do a walkthrough…just make sure a tree hadn’t fallen into the living room or that the owners hadn’t decided a kitchen sink was no longer necessary…stuff like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a short visit, though, and it was with my real estate agent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time, it was just me and I walked slowly through each room, thinking about where furniture would go, how I would use a particular room as my office, this other as a guest room and that room would be where the girls would stay when they were over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I took some time to soak in the beautiful hardwood floors that were stained a deep cherry, the arched openings to the dining room and kitchen, the vaulted ceilings in just about every room and the unique light fixtures that were dotted throughout the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sighed thinking this house was perfect for me and then I sighed again with a little bit of regret that I had to find the house in the first place. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As exciting as it was to have a new place to call my own, I would trade it all in to go back to the life my wife and I once shared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the life we’ve been living for the past year or so…back to when our second daughter was born and our first just became the “big sister.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we knew we were in love and we didn’t have to prove it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it was her and I and our girls against the world, living in a small apartment waiting for our house to be built and exploring the new area we had just moved to. Before work got in the way and before the reality and distractions of everyday life took that love away and we just became two people living together who happened to have children. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, I would gladly give up my new house, the nearby beach and lake, hiking trails, and all the other amenities the community provides to get back a normal, loving family; one that isn’t separated by plots of land and emotional tension.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it can no longer be that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We aren’t the same people we were and while I try to not think about why that is, significant events like this seem to bring that out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have probably written in this blog about a half a dozen sentiments that seem to bring a close to all of the sadness about this divorce but apparently it isn’t fully closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s kind of like my truck in my new house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can get most of it in but not enough to shut the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Next time: More moving stuff and I’ll try not to be so depressing about it! <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-69539274902138965612012-08-10T03:41:00.000-07:002012-08-10T03:41:33.298-07:00The First Visitation<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This past weekend marked the very first weekend visitation I had with my girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the wife (or the ex…or soon to be ex?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen people use the abbreviation of SBTX but I don’t care for it…I need a unique reference to my ex…some heavy thought will be given to this topic).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway since SHE moved out last week, we started on the documented procedures set forth in our settlement agreement with visitation, child support and all that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have the monthly amount worked out for child support and I created a Google calendar for the visitation schedule straight through until they both turn 18.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This way we both know the schedule and can make and document adjustments as needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hope is to never have to actually look at the settlement agreement again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are both adults and should be able to work out whatever we need to work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we can’t, then we’ll pull out the agreement and if that doesn’t settle it, I guess we pull out the lawyers.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Normally, I will get the girls starting on Friday afternoon through Sunday at 6 pm but I kept them over Sunday night this past weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I said, my ex and I are adults and we’re okay with adjustments…especially when those adjustments mean I get the girls an extra night!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In some ways, that first weekend almost didn’t count because I was still at our old house which was mostly empty since the Ex left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I had nothing but three people’s worth of stuff out of a house that held four makes for a mostly empty house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only room that was pretty much untouched was my office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I had a couch, the big TV, dining room furniture, a bed and dresser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What else did I need?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, turns out an inflatable bed was necessary for the girls to sleep on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ll have their own beds in my new house but for this weekend, the girls slept in the middle of the living room on an air mattress (a big, queen sized one).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They loved it and after they were asleep, I went up to my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They slept through the night without any problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was expecting some crying in the middle of the night but, for the most part, my girls are troopers or just heavy sleepers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Friday night was spent going to the grocery store and getting supplies for a movie night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have a TiVo/cable box due to a mix up in the moving but I did have a PS3 console so I could stream Netflix through it (this will be a blog topic coming soon).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We set up the living room to be as comfortable as possible and the girls fell asleep watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stuart Little</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I got up to go to bed, I discovered that the couch I was going to use in my new house was not so great for my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the same couch I had before I got married and either it got old or I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either way, a new couch was needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly an orthopedic one if they happen to make such a thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday morning was spent getting the house cleaned in case anyone wanted to come see it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was up for sale although the only way you can tell is by the sign in the front yard, not the steady stream of people looking at it (fail). My Ex and her mom came over to help with the cleaning while the girls played.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once we were done and I took a shower, the girls and I headed out to lunch and then a movie (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days</i>). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We played a couple games in the arcade at the movie theater and had a good time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My girls love to go to the movies, which is great because I do too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Afterwards, we did what all kids love to do, furniture shopping!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I knew their attention spans were limited, I grabbed a salesperson and had her walk me through all of their couches at a Usain Bolt-type pace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Luckily there was a special event going on in the store which included a guy playing piano for the customers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girls hung around him, asking a million questions and did a little dancing to the songs he was playing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt sorry for the piano player but his loss was my gain. They were occupied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In about 15 minutes, I narrowed my choices down to two couches and ten minutes later, I was out the door with a receipt for my new couch to be delivered on the Wednesday after I moved in. It felt good to get that done as quickly and as efficiently as I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I should take the girls with me every time I go furniture shopping? Hmmm…probably not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It rained when we got home, so Saturday evening was dinner, some game playing on the PS3, and another movie (the Eddie Murphy version of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dr. Doolittle</i>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sunday morning was a bit lazy as it looked like rain…a little TV watching, a little breakfast, some blog writing, and a round or two of the card game War with my oldest (she loves the game).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it was off to run some errands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The list of things I needed for my new house was growing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the Ex and all her stuff out, I could more easily see what I needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was at my niece’s wedding, my family threw me a Divorce Shower just like the one I talked about in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/bed-bath-and-bothered.html">Bed, Bath and Bothered</a></i>, so I had a handful of Target gift cards to use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once that was done, we went back home just in time for a terrific storm to hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It got so bad; we went down into the basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My oldest daughter is petrified of storms while my youngest would probably go do cartwheels in them if I let her (I didn’t).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it finally blew over, we came up from the basement and checked the outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A tree blew over and another tree shed a rather large branch…all missed the house, thank goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know if it was the storm or just being over-tired, but the girls woke up in the middle of the night screaming so they came up and slept with me…which was fine. Usually I don’t like it because they sleep in such awkward positions (as discussed in <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/making-spare-bedroom-your-bedroom-spare.html">Making the Spare Bedroom Your Bedroom, Spare</a></i>) but since we were down one person in the bed (re: the Ex), it wasn’t bad at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it was nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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So nice that when the morning came and I took them to my soon to be ex-mother-in-law’s house, I was sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew it would be two weeks before I could enjoy them staying the night again and the reality of the situation sunk in. That night found me sitting in the middle of that empty house wondering what went wrong once again as a depression storm took down my relatively sane mood much like the rain storm took down the tree in my backyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I took some deep breaths and tried to get past it because that’s all I can really do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In <i><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/parents-inc.html">Parents Inc.</a></i>, I wondered what type of dad I would be now and how I would handle my time with my girls when I had them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still not sure I have that answer but I think it’s something close to what we did this weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Activities we can do together but nothing too spectacular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just spending time with them and giving them as much attention as I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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It wasn’t like it was all butterflies and rainbows while they were here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re still children and children can be a bit frustrating at times but that frustration goes away quickly when you know there’s an even bigger frustration just waiting for you when they leave: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The frustration of being alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The big move! <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-88479982516215518792012-08-07T08:31:00.000-07:002012-08-09T06:26:37.327-07:00Priorities<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I don’t spend a lot of time in this blog talking about specific problems or issues my wife and I had. I prefer to touch on my thoughts, feelings and observations without airing any of our “dirty laundry.” Allow me to make an exception with this post but I promise this won’t become a habit. This topic, however, is one I feel strongly about and I need to process it on digital paper.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">During what I would consider the beginning of the end of the marriage between my wife and me, it was brought to my attention that I was putting work before my family. While I was surprised to hear this, I could also see that it was true. I was traveling a lot and even when I was home, I wasn’t “at home;” my mind was often on work matters and not family matters. I have no excuses for it. I should not have done it but once it was brought to my attention, I took strides to change and I believe I did (just too late, as I’ve stated before). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">During this time I began to think about how I was feeling when I came home from a trip. A lot of times, it was like I was just a roommate in the house. I wasn’t in with the routine, they would have plans I didn’t know about and if I tried to discipline the girls for doing something wrong, I was either told to calm down or my wife would just take over as if I didn’t have a say in the matter (not always, but enough times that I noticed it). <br />
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It all kind of boiled down to my wife putting the girls before me. I didn’t like the way that sounded though…I thought I was being a bit selfish. After some introspection, I came to the conclusion that, on a broader scale, my wife was putting our children before our marriage. This fit better. It was rare we ever had a “date night.” Any conversation we had was about the girls and not about us. When we would try to have a conversation, the girls would often interrupt and she would tend to them. Once they were settled, though, we never went back to what we were talking about. <br />
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Still, I felt guilty about thinking this. <i>Shouldn’t</i> she be putting the girls first? Shouldn’t I for that matter? Confused, I consulted my therapist, Dr. Google and was surprised to find that this conflict: “What should be first, the marriage or the children?” is a common one. I was also surprised to find that the majority of the articles about it were in favor of putting the marriage first and the children second. Heck, the first 20 results were all in favor of putting the marriage first. <br />
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The bottom line message to all of the articles I read (which must have been about fifty of them), is that when you work on the marriage and the marriage is strong, the children benefit. It really makes sense. The children see their parents in a loving relationship and feed off of that. The family unit is stronger and thus your kids will be stronger because of it. Here are some quotes I found to back this up:<br />
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<i>“We believe firmly that raising and nurturing Clara to be a happy and secure child lies in the strong foundation of our own relationship,” says Janine. “The stronger our marriage, the easier and more joyful it is to be a family.” <br />
(</i><a href="http://parenting.kaboose.com/which_comes_first_marriage_or_the_kids.html">Which Comes First: Marriage or the Kids?</a>)<br />
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<i>"Psychiatrist Michelle Goland agrees: "The mistake many moms make is they believe that if they are a good mother, their husband will be fine and he will understand, but in reality, the husband may feel pushed out of the parenting role and begrudgingly gives up trying to have a relationship with his wife."</i><br />
<i>(<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/kids-come-first-but-only-_b_825472.html">Stop Putting Your Kids First</a>)</i><br />
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<i>"I would even go as far as to say that you are raising your kids with some serious deficiencies if they are the center of your universe. If you don’t show them what a healthy marriage looks like, where will they learn it? If dad doesn’t make it a priority to spend time with mom, then why would your kids do anything different? Our kids need to see that our marriages carry the weight of the family. If that fails, then the family fails."</i><br />
<i>(<a href="http://fatherhoodfactor.com/what-comes-first-kids-or-marriage/">What comes first? Kids or Marriage?</a></i><br />
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I tried to talk to my wife about this but I failed at conveying what I meant. Because I was stumbling around the topic or just poor communication skills in general, I think what came out was that I put her above the girls. That the girls were always second place in my book. Not exactly what I was trying to say and I can see why she may have lost respect for me by hearing it like that. What I meant was that we needed to put ourselves and our relationship before the girls because a lasting relationship can only be beneficial to our children. If we don’t have that, we end up…<br />
<br />
…well, we end up with a blog like this and a family broken apart.<br />
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The point of this blog isn’t to say that I was right. The point is to send a message to those who are still married and might need this information to help guide you. I wish this was something I had thought of and researched more thoroughly early on in my marriage. It’s an easy thing to think that children should be first. What else would they be? I prefer to think of putting the marriage first more in line with putting your <i>family</i> first, which includes your children but also includes your spouse. </span></span><br />
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</div>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-22872649682118784032012-08-04T04:29:00.000-07:002012-08-04T05:55:03.762-07:00The Emotional Forecast<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i>“…And that’s why you should never mix gardening with nude acupuncture! Ha ha! Now let’s turn it over to Kevin for the 5 Day Emotional Forecast. Kevin?”<o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <br />
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<i>“Thanks, Chip. Well, folks, after a series of nice days, it looks like we’re in for a day or two of deep depression and why wondering. After that, we’ll see a clearing of false hope followed by a bout of ‘I’ll never marry again.’” </i><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <br />
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Ah, if only we could forecast our emotions like this. Going through the cycle of being okay to depressed to really depressed to feeling pretty good can be exhausting. If we knew it was coming we could at least be prepared for it. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Initially, my depression days were pretty much every day. On a graphical representation of my moods, dark clouds with lightning bolts would have been heavily used for at least the ten day forecast, if not the extended one. I don’t believe there was a sunshine icon used until a month or so after the decision to get a divorce. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Beyond then, it seemed like every other day was a down day and then that turned into every three days, then four, then weekly until finally I was at a point where I would have a morning of depression every couple weeks. I chronicled the last one in <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-healing-walk.html">The Healing Walk</a>. It was during that walk that I thought maybe there was a pattern to my emotions or maybe to everyone’s emotions. If I could figure out how that pattern worked, document it and then publish that baby, I would make a quadzillion dollars in no time. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Initial analysis made me think that the emotional downbursts were a buildup of sadness over time. At the start, there is so much sadness that it’s always raining. Later, as the soul starts to heal, a weak acceptance high pressure system helps to block out the depression but that depression continues to build as its fueled by questions and memories of the good times until, at some point, it pushes out the system that is keeping you moderately sane and hits you like a tornado hitting a trailer park. Then, like the tides, it ebbs away leaving clear skies of moderate happiness or at the very least, overcast skies but no rain. <o:p></o:p><br />
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The general pit in your stomach that pretty much doesn’t leave for a long while is kind of like the humidity of your pain. It’s there and it’s bothersome but it doesn’t stop you from living your everyday life. Unfortunately, that humidity is just the precursor to the sadness storm that’s coming. I think until you get rid of that constant humidity, you are still in the depression cycle. <o:p></o:p><br />
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If I was more conscious of this while going through it, I would have logged my emotions each day or maybe several times a day just to see if there was a pattern. It would have been hard to translate, though, since, just like the weather, my emotional state was fairly unpredictable. I can’t tell you the number of times I felt somewhat normal only to see a picture or hear a song that brought on an emotional outbreak like an afternoon thunderstorm in the Spring. Having a log may have helped me to track my emotional states so I could see when a downward spiral was coming and then I could batten down the hatches and put plywood up on the windows of my heart. For me, that would have been putting on my walking shoes and shorts and hitting the pavement. Walking turned the tumultuous storm into a steady rain and then to a sprinkle and then to complete sunshine. The longer the walk, the better the outlook. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I’m sure there would be no way to accurately predict when the emotional bad weather would hit much like there’s no way to accurately predict the real weather. There are, however, people getting paid big bucks to try to do it and they use a model to follow so why not me and the emotional forecast? If I had an emotional forecast model, I could provide a personal service to help someone each morning predict just how crappy their day is going to be. Wouldn't that be a nice service to have? <o:p></o:p><br />
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<em>"Back to you, Chip.</em>"<o:p></o:p><br />
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Next time: Which came first? The marriage or the children?<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-6960786077766967482012-08-02T04:46:00.000-07:002012-08-02T05:09:53.358-07:00And Now She's Gone<br />
<em style="font-size: 12pt;">(Once again, I interrupt the regularly scheduled blog for something more "in the moment")</em><br />
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Yesterday, my wife moved out of our house.<br />
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Since they only moved a block away, the girls will probably bounce back and forth as they want until I move out 10 days from now but the person I thought I would be with until I died is now gone and I’m still alive (here’s hoping it stays that way for a while).<br />
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I thought this would end up being harder than it was. I thought an extended <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-healing-walk.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">Healing Walk </a> was going to be needed or fresh box of tissues or, at the very least, a big long hug from someone (although I probably would’ve needed to pay for that service…what’s the going rate for just a hug from a hot prostitute? I say "hot" prostitute because, really...who wants a skanky one?). <br />
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I find myself, however, moderately okay. In <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/making-spare-bedroom-your-bedroom-spare.html" style="font-size: 12pt;"> Making the Spare Bedroom Your Bedroom, Spare </a>I suggested <em style="font-size: 12pt;">against</em> staying in the same house with your soon-to-be ex-spouse because it was/is extremely uncomfortable. I am tempted to rescind that piece of advice, though. Not the part about it being uncomfortable. Oh, it was uncomfortable. There was no getting around the built up tension between the two of us on some days. I’m talking about the living together post separation part being the advice I would rescind. <br />
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Having to stay with the woman I suddenly found out was no longer interested in keeping me as a husband became like an intense detoxifying program. I was constantly exposed to the reality that we would no longer be together. Day after day, I was slapped in the face with the reality of divorce. That kind of accelerated the healing process. That probably sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? I will try to explain but I was kind of surprised by it myself. <br />
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I believe that if I had moved out immediately and went into seclusion (which is what I initially told my wife I was going to do); I think it would have been a harder and a longer process to get over the relationship. My state of mind would have been frozen at the point of realization that my marriage was over and the love for my wife would have been trapped in emotional amber, not being able to dissolve itself. The buzzing of questions on “Why?” and “What happened?” would have taken longer to go away because I would have only been able to focus on those questions in that point of time, searching for those answers and nothing else. Since we were financially and thus physically bound to be together, however, the time made me continually face the fact that I was getting the divorce. Seeing my soon to be ex every day forced me to realize it was over and I found the love I had for her slowly draining away through tension, opened eyes and cold reality. I had to confront the hard feelings and deal with them immediately. Sure, this meant a lot of depression, crying, and rendering of garments but now that we have reached this point where we are physically apart, I feel that I am emotionally apart as well.<br />
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Other than just facing up to the hardship, I also took a lot of deep breaths and counting to ten when I felt like blowing up at her. We had to live together along with our children so getting into a clash every time she left a pile of dirty dishes in the sink or when I thought about why she gave up on the marriage would have made a difficult situation completely unbearable. So, I swallowed my pride (and a fair amount of anger) and turned the other cheek…not always, but a lot. I think this helped me to accept the reality of the situation; to understand that there wasn’t anything I could say or action I could take to change the road we were on. The intersection that may have allowed that was long and far away in the rear view mirror.<br />
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Thus, I reached a point to where I simply didn’t care about answering those ever-buzzing questions. It was like I had become immune to the pain or more accurately, I no longer had the pain. I believe I reached that mindset much quicker by living with her than I would have by being alone.<br />
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Does this mean I’m completely healed? That I’m cured of this disease called “divorce?” No, I don’t think so. I’m sure there will be relapses and times where conflict will overcome the peace. Those times will most assuredly happen when my daughters come to visit and then leave but I think I’ll delve into that in a separate blog.<br />
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For now I will breathe in the silence and the emptiness of the house but feel that everything will be all right. I have already fought the battle of being alone by not being alone. Now was the time to live it.<br />
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My wife physically leaving isn't the end of the story.<br />
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It’s just the beginning.<br />
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Next time: What is the Emotional 5 Day Forecast?</span><br />
_______________________________________________________________________________Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-55621914044294601682012-07-30T04:41:00.000-07:002012-07-30T07:57:01.011-07:00Soul Music<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the problems with my marriage started to become more reality than paranoia, I began to get fearful that it would affect my music. Weird statement? Perhaps, but read on, true believer…</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">I love music. I love to listen to it. I love to sing it. Many a concert has been given for none but me in my living room. I believe songs are the placeholders in our lives. As we go through significant periods in our life, the music we listened to during those times become associated with the memories. A sound track, if you will. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">For me, I’ll hear a song from the early 80’s and instantly be transported back to my high school days. I think this probably happens to everyone. You have songs associated with each girlfriend (or boyfriend), proms you went to, break-ups you’ve had, even new jobs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">So I was afraid of two things: new music I was listening to during my divorce becoming associated (and forever tainted) by the divorce and music I listened to when my wife and I were first falling in love becoming too painful to listen to now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">For today’s music, that isn’t too hard because there have only been two new albums I’ve listened to since this started: Counting Crows </span><i style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">Underwater Sunshine</i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;"> and Train’s </span><i style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">California 37</i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">. I was more concerned about Train because that’s been a band both my wife and I have liked and listened to together quite often. I guess only time will tell if I associate the songs from those albums with my divorce but there is one off </span><i style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">California 37</i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;"> that will probably touch me in the future, </span><i style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">When the Fog Rolls In</i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">:</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN" style="line-height: 115%;">I take a deep breath with my hand on the door<br />
Afraid 'cause I'm not gonna see you anymore<br />
These were our tender years, this was our street<br />
All of our stoplights and all our concrete<br />
Now it's all somebody else's to take<br />
Until the fog rolls in<br />
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Oo oo oo and now we're through</span><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am happy to report that, so far, the songs I was listening to when my wife and I got together haven’t been impacted by the divorce…well, almost. There are two songs that I cannot listen to yet but hope to in time. One was our wedding song, Don Henley’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For My Wedding</i>. As I have expressed before, Don Henley is one of my all-time favorite artists and having to avoid something from his body of work will be a crime. I’m sure I’ll be able to listen to it again as some point but for now, I’ll leave it as a blog quote (from <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/open-letter-to-my-niece.html">Open Letter to My Niece</a>). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">The second song I won’t name here but it was a special one my wife and I shared and I really don’t think I will ever be able to listen to that one again. That’s sad because it’s a good song but there are too many memories wrapped up in it from the time we were falling in love. The song even has lyrics that apply to our current situation, which taints it even more. In some ways, I feel like I’m losing just a little bit of my soul by not having that song in my life anymore. Yes, it held that much weight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">There are others that make me pause when they start playing but I’ve been able to listen to them. One I mentioned in </span><a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/discord-of-ring.html" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;"> The Discord of the Ring</a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">, </span><i style=" font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">The Heart of the Matter</i><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">, also by Don Henley. Since the divorce, I haven’t been able to get through that one without tearing up. It’s been a while since it’s come back up on my shuffle playlist and I’m hoping I’ll be okay when it does rotate through again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">Even though I thought it would be tough to listen to my music for fear of dredging up sad emotions or tainting it, I forced myself to do it and I’m glad I did. Albert Schweitzer wrote: “The only escape from the miseries of life are music and cats…” I don’t own a cat (yet…potential blog topic, btw) but I do own music. The music did help me escape and at the same time cope with what was going on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">I’ll end this with yet another quote from </span><i style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;"> by J.K Rowling : </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Ah, music! A magic far beyond all we do here!”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">Magic indeed.</span></div><br />
<div style="border-color: currentcolor currentcolor windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: medium medium 1pt; font-size: 12pt; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next time: What’s the emotional 5 day forecast?</span></div></div>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9120216838799771063.post-66525140805830682222012-07-26T04:22:00.002-07:002012-07-26T06:17:06.228-07:00The Two of Me<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me, the idea of divorce at first was a hope that the threat of it would bring out counseling and therapy to help save the marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, I was the one who asked for the divorce, not my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may not have been clear in my previous blogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I have written before (most notably in <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/why.html"> Why?</a> and <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/06/relationship-update_22.html">Relationship Update</a>), I could tell she no longer loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We already had one incident some months back where we said we would work on what we were doing wrong in the marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From my perspective, that really turned out to be just me working on what I was doing wrong (working too much, traveling too much, not being there for her and the girls).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure what she did during that time but truth is she was already gone by that point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anyway, I popped the question of divorce hoping it would kind of slap her into the reality that she was letting her marriage slip away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By the way, you never see videos of people asking for a divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once again, we are inundated with videos of men asking their girlfriends to be their wife but I don’t remember seeing one where a couple is at a game and on the Jumbotron the husband asks his wife to not be that anymore (or vice versa).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another service for the Divorce Shower, perhaps.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to me asking for the divorce:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe if I had done it a year earlier, it would have helped, I really don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I did ask, she was initially shocked but never fought it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She basically said OK and off we went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was at this point, the “First Me” came out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First Me was a sniveling, selfish, whiney, “Why me?” wreck of a man. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the first two weeks after, there wasn’t a day he didn’t cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He spent time shouting at his wife wondering how she could have done this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t his fault they were where they were, it was hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was one time First Me was on the phone with his wife and insisted she tell him what he did wrong even though she was with their youngest daughter at the time. “So what?” First Me shouted and was, rightly so, hung up on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">F</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">irst Me was also the one who came up with the brilliant idea to just move away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, this was all the wife’s fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t want to work on the marriage so naturally, he had to move back to Texas where he used to live because he moved to NEPA for her and the girls and now that was all gone so why stay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had friends back in Texas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He needed those friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was leaving and it was her fault he would never see his kids again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sigh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I deeply regret ever becoming First Me and I would apologize to my wife for the way I behaved but she has told me she doesn't read this blog, so instead, I will apologize to myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em><Side Note> If I knew my wife was writing a blog about her divorce experience, I would be reading every last word of that thing and trying to read in between the lines to find a hidden message. I would even read it backwards to see if there was something subliminal in it just like they did back in the day with record albums. </Side Note></em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suppose, though, when faced with this type of life changing event, it’s somewhat natural to lash out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it’s even healthy to a point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, it bothers me that I fell so low.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But when you reach such a low point, all you can do is go up and that’s when Second Me came out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Second Me was the much more thoughtful and reflective side of my post-divorce persona.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Second Me realized that while she had a fair share of blame, he also had responsibility for things getting as bad as they did. The divorce wasn't this one thing or that one thing, it was a combination of different things that wrapped itself around the marriage until it choked the life out of it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Second Me also spent time not as much wondering why but wondering what’s next?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Second Me started this blog to help cope with what was going on in his head. He tried to be as civil as he could when around his wife and also tried to spend as much time as he could with his children since he knew that time would end up being limited very soon. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Confident that his life wasn’t over was another trait of Second Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding a house, knowing that he will still be a father to his girls in the best possible way he could, and establishing a new life as a single man helped get Second Me through each day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, there were times when First Me made an appearance and took down Second Me (one such time detailed in <a href="http://marriedtosingle.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-healing-walk.html">The Healing Walk</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think back to the Incredible Hulk TV series from the late 70’s/early 80’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First Me was my Hulk and I needed to find a way to control the raging spirit that dwelled within me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So far, I think Second Me is maintaining control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if First Me comes out, I know how to deal with it to put him back inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t begrudge First Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a part of the process but he was the first part…I’m now in the second part and looking forward to the third, and hopefully last, part of the ordeal where First Me is but a memory, Second Me is a comforting friend and Third Me is the one the world sees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I look forward to meeting the Third Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope everyone else will too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next time:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have to throw away my iPod<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11185341209739822714noreply@blogger.com0